


Crazy Love

by Mystic_reader



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Anal Sex, Anorexia, Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Blow Jobs, Bottom Lucas, Bulimia, Canon-Typical Violence, Cutting, Eliott's symptoms are more severe than in the show, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Love at First Sight, Lucas doesn't know anyone other than Yann outside the hospital, Lucas is out and proud, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Top Eliott, elu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-04-23 23:02:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19160788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystic_reader/pseuds/Mystic_reader
Summary: For 17 year old Eliott Demaury, just diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, it's either jail or a psychiatric hospital. He thinks its going to be the worst experience of his life but inside he meets Lucas Lallemant, an unstable 16 year old with an anger problem. It's love at first sight but eventually both boys have to learn that there are some things you just can't run away from.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! This is my first fic for Skam France and I am so excited to share it with you. This was originally an RPF fic for the Supernatural fandom which was inspired by the old Lifetime movie, "On the Edge of Innocence." Ultimately I wasn't happy with the fic and I took it down. I still loved the story though and got inspired by our boys to re-purpose it for Eliott/Lucas! It's still inspired by the movie, but it's very different than the other fic. 
> 
> The rating will change to explicit eventually as the fic progresses.

 

It’s just after midnight when Eliott storms out of his parent’s house and tears out of the driveway in his mother’s Lexus. He’s going too fast but he really doesn’t care as he struggles to right the car around a particularly sharp turn. Tightening his fingers on the wheel, he steps on the accelerator and skids around the corner at the end of the street, streaking the pavement black in his wake.

The world outside is a blur, from the speed or the tears in his eyes, it doesn’t matter. None of this matters. He’s not doing it. He’s not going to let them lock him up. Not in jail, not in the loony bin. They can all go to hell--his parents, the shrink, the fucking judge. They can all just go to hell.

_Where are you going to go, huh? There’s no place they can’t find you._

Fuck. Eliott is so tired. Tired of trying. Tired of caring.

_I know you and you can’t handle it. And you can’t run. You can’t hide from this anymore._

The cars swerves as Eliott wipes the tears from his eyes. He barely misses a mailbox as he jerks the car back onto the road.

_You know what you have to do. It’s time. There’s no avoiding it anymore._

Eliott does know what to do. There is no question about it. He’s wanted to do it for a long time but he’d always put it off, hoping against hope that things would get better. But they didn’t get better. They got worse. And now, it’s over.

And just like that, Eliott can breathe again. The rush of fear and adrenaline is replaced with a sense of calm. The tears stop and his grip on the steering wheel loosens. He knows what he’s going to do now and he knows where he’s going. To the big tree at the edge of the Mullin's property. It’s perfect.

Eliott has to slow down a little as he comes around the last corner but he speeds up again as the tree comes into sight. Finally. There’s no more thinking, no more feeling, just determination, before everything goes black.

 

~~~~

 

One week later...

 

With a sprawling campus on 62 acres, Riverview mental health hospital looks nice enough on the outside. It’s over 2 hours away from home and Eliott can’t understand why it’s called Riverview.  There isn’t a damned river in sight. In fact, the four main buildings of the campus seem to be surrounded by grass fields for as far as the eye can see.

The building they take Eliott to is large but only two stories tall. The main entrance is gated and locked and after walking down a series of hallways and going though several more locked gates, they finally arrive at Ward A, where Eliott will be staying. Inside, the place looks just like a hospital--sterile, with pale blue carpeting and bare walls. The hall is empty, lacking even plants for decoration. Eliott likes it. The wide open space gives him room to breathe.

Once inside, the two policemen who brought him here hand Eliott off to a nurses aide who introduces himself as Ben. 

With one last look at the locked doors behind him, Eliott follows Ben to the nurses station where one of the nurses is clearly waiting on him.

“I’m Maria,” she says, eyes gleaming as she gives Eliott a friendly smile. She’s attractive with dark brown hair and copper skin that stands out against the harsh white of her scrubs. Eliott tries to smile back but a small twitch of his lips is all he can manage.

_It doesn’t matter. They don’t really care about you._

“I know,” Eliott mutters under his breath.

“What was that?” Maria asks as she puts two little paper cups on the counter in front of him.

Eliott shakes his head. “Nothing. What’s this?” He nods down at the cups. One of them holds two pills, the other, some water.

“This is your medication. Dr. Stewart prescribed 200mg of Seroquel.”

Eliott shakes his head again. “I don’t want any pills.”

Maria’s smile disappears and she glances over Eliott’s shoulder at Ben.

“We’re not going to have a problem now, are we?” Ben asks, squeezing Eliott’s shoulder.

Eliott jerks away and takes a step out of reach. Ben nods and takes his own step back, hands raised in the air.

“I’m sure Eliott isn’t going to give us any trouble, are you Eliott?” a gruff voice says and Eliott turns to see an older man approaching. He’s taller than Eliott, thin with a dark beard and sharp eyes, dressed casually in jeans and a white button up.

“I’m Dr. Martin Lanier, the director here. I’ll be your case manager and your counselor during your stay with us.” He holds out a hand for Eliott to shake.

Eliott ignores the gesture. “I don’t need any pills.”

Lanier steps around Eliott and reaches for the pills. “I’ll take these for now, Maria. Eliott, leave your things with Ben. I’d like you to come with me now.

“I’ll keep my bags, thanks.” Eliott doesn’t know what his mother packed for him in his bag but he knows he’s not handing it over to strangers.

“Sorry, house rules,” Lanier says. “There are certain things you’re not allowed to have here, so we need to go through what you brought. We also need you to empty out your pockets. You can put whatever you have on you on the counter right there. And don’t worry, we’ll make sure you get everything back before you leave.”

Too tired to argue, Eliott hands over his bag and pulls his phone out of his pocket. He shows it to Lanier.

“I need to keep this, though.”

Lanier shakes his head. “No, sorry. No electronics.”

Eliott groans and Lanier chuckles. “It’s OK,” he says. “You won’t need it in here.”

 

~~~~

 

Lanier’s office is in a different wing, which can only be reached through another set of locked doors. The decor is different here. The carpet is a rich burgundy that complements the furnishings in a comfortable looking seating area in the corner. There are plants scattered about and paintings on the walls. It’s such a drastic difference from A wing that Eliott can’t help but gape.

Lanier notices Eliott’s slack jaw and wide eyes and chuckles lightly.

“We keep A wing a little sparse in an effort to protect the patients. Some of them can get a little violent. We like to keep the halls clear of anything that could hurt someone. It’s safer that way.”

Eliott nods and continues to follow until they reach Lanier’s office and the man motions for him to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk. He expects Lanier to take the seat behind the desk but he doesn’t. The older man takes the seat next to Eliott instead. He even slouches a bit, resting his elbows on his knees to bring himself eye-level with Eliott.

“How are you feeling today, Eliott?”

Eliott shrugs. “I’m all right, I guess. Tired, mostly.”

“Do you know why your here?”

Eliott looks at the floor but Lanier waits patiently for him, like he has all the time in the world. Finally, Eliott says, “Yeah, OK. I do.”

Lanier nods. “You’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness called Bipolar Disorder. Did they explain that to you?”

Eliott nods his head. “That’s why I’m here and not in jail.”

“That’s right. I’ve read over your file. It said that you experienced depression...paranoia...delusions...insomnia....and episodes of mania. Do you know what that is?”

Eliott nods his head yes.

“There can also be auditory hallucinations.”

“I don’t hear voices.”

The voice inside Eliott’s head laughs at that.

“We can talk about that later.”

“I don’t!”

Lanier nods in silent acquiescence at Eliott’s outburst before he continues. “You don’t have to live with these symptoms. We have medications that help but they won’t help unless you take them. Do you understand?”

When Eliott doesn’t say anything, Lanier cocks an eyebrow and gives him a look that makes it clear he expects a response.

“Yes, I understand.”

“We’re here to help you, Eliott. You just have to let us. You don’t have to feel the way you’ve been feeling. You can feel better but you have to take the pills.”

He hands Eliott the little cup with the medication in it. Eliott takes it and looks down at the two little pills that are supposed to “fix” him.

_Don’t take them._

He has to though. Arguing won’t do any good. And Eliott does want to feel better. If these little pills can do that, maybe it’s worth a shot.

_**Don’t take them!** _

Eliott ignores the voice in his head and swallows the pills, washing them down with the cup of water.

_You’re going to regret that._

Eliott doesn’t care.

 

~~~~

 

Eliott’s room is on the second floor and they have to go through another locked gate in the stairwell to get there. It’s nothing fancy although it’s more than Eliott expected. He expected something more like a jail cell but the room is fairly big. It holds two beds, one on each side of the room, covered in bedspreads that match the pale blue of the walls.

Eliott must not have a roommate because both sides of the room look unused. The strangest thing is that there are no lights anywhere in the room. Not even a table lamp. The only fixure is embedded in the ceiling and it’s covered in thick plastic so no one can get at it. Other than that, the only light comes from the two large windows on the far side of the room, both covered in chicken wire on the outside.

Eliott drops his bags on one of the beds as Lanier says, “You’ll have a roommate. He just hasn’t arrived yet. Right now, let me show you around the place.”

Eliott follows him back downstairs where Lanier takes the time to point out the bathrooms and the activity rooms as well as the music room and the gym. The cafeteria looks like a dining hall with tables scattered around the room. On the other side of the room Eliott can see the doors that lead to the kitchen.

“Breakfast is at 8:30, lunch at 1:00 and dinner at 6:00. Just follow the others, they’ll show you what to do. You have to be in your rooms at 10 pm and lights out at 11:00. There's a bed check every hour. It's annoying, but you'll get used to it."

The last room is directly across from the nurses station where Eliott is told he will receive his pills twice a day. It’s a large open space, bright and airy with nearly floor to ceiling windows. Eliott likes the color of the walls. They are a cool green. It’s a calming color. What he doesn’t like however is the fluorescent lights on the ceiling. They are too bright. They’re pulsing and surrounded by shiny stars twinkling around the edges. They make Eliott uneasy.

“We call this the day room. It’s where everyone likes to hang out during off time. You can see there’s a TV and a pool table and even a Foosball table.”

There are a few kids lounging around on several couches positioned around the room along with a bunch of chairs. Eliott rolls his eyes at the motivational poster tacked to the wall. It has a picture of a monkey and touts the values of perseverance.

“Any time you want to go somewhere you have to let a staff member know even if you just have to go to the bathroom. For now, you’re only allowed in the bathroom for ten minutes at a time and a staff member will wait for you outside the door. Like I said, that’s just for now. In a week we’ll see how your doing and then you can go on your own.”

Eliott can’t believe he has to piss with someone outside the door.

“Well, that’s it for now,” Lanier says to Eliott before turning around to the other kids in the room. “All right everyone, it’s time for lunch, let’s get moving!”

One by one, the kids file out of the day room and into the hallway. Lanier gestures to Eliott to follow them.

The other kids are lining up against the wall by the door so Eliott moves to join them. When he does, the three closest to him smile and one of them introduces himself. He’s thin with blonde hair and glasses.

“Hey, I’m Arthur. That’s Emma and Manon,” he says, gesturing to the two girls next to him.

Eliott introduces himself and the girls give him tight lipped smiles. The taller one, Emma, does start to say something else but suddenly, Eliott is too distracted to listen. There's a boy being lead into the ward by two guards. A beautiful boy. Smaller than Eliott, with dark blue eyes and wild, messy hair. Eliott watches as the guards lead the boy to the nurses station right in front of them. This boy is seriously gorgeous. Small but compact. Strong. Wearing dark sweat pants and a grey hoodie. Eliott can't help but notice how great his ass looks in those pants. 

“Nice to have you back, Lucas. Are you going to be good this time?” Ben says as he rifles through the boy’s bags.

Eliott watches as the boy, Lucas, eyes Ben with disturbing intensity. Then suddenly, those same intense eyes have zeroed in on him . Feeling caught out, Eliott lowers his gaze, trying to look casual, but when he risks a quick glance up, Lucas is still looking at him.

Eliott drops his eyes again as he hears Arthur whisper to Manon, “Look, Lucas is back.”

“I guess they finally let him out,” Manon whispers back.

Eliott can’t resist. “Let him out of where?”

“B-ward,” Arthur says. “That’s where they send the ones who are too violent to be around us regular crazies.”

Eliott flinches at the word crazy. He doesn’t like that word. He also really wants to look up at Lucas again but he doesn’t want to be too obvious. Eventually the urge is too much though. When he finally glances up again, Lucas is still watching him. Eliott has to try hard not to fidget under the boy's fervid gaze.

“Looks like he likes you.” Arthur says quietly next to Eliott’s ear. Emma and Manon both nod in agreement.

Eliott looks at them, shocked. “Why would you say that? He doesn’t even know me.”

Arthur shrugs his shoulders. “I’ve never seen him look at anyone else that way. Before, I swear, it’s like none of us even existed. Like he didn’t even see us. None of us mattered. But you...he definitely sees you.”

Eliott looks back up at Lucas. The nurse is trying to get his attention but Lucas ignores her. It seems he only has eyes for Eliott.

 

~~~~

 

The cafeteria food is actually pretty good. Better than normal hospital food and Eliott is starving so he doesn’t hesitate to help himself to a large plate of spaghetti and meatballs. When he gets back into the cafeteria Emma spots him and motions for him to join her. Eliott takes the seat next to her with a quick, “Thanks.”

He looks around the room. So far there are six other kids here but Eliott can’t be sure that there aren’t more coming. The ones here are scattered across several more tables. When he finds Arthur, Eliott sees he’s sitting at a separate table with Lanier. The blonde looks miserable as he pokes at the food on the plate in front of him.

“Is Arthur ok? Why’s he sitting with Lanier?”

Emma sighs and looks sadly over at the other boy.“He’s all right,” she says, twirling a bite of spaghetti on her fork. “He’s anorexic. That’s why he has to sit with Lanier. So they can monitor what he eats.”

Before Eliott can say anything else, another girl plops down in the seat next to him. She’s cute, with dark brown hair pulled up in a ponytail.

“So,” the girl say, eyes gleaming. “Lucas is back.”

Emma rolls her eyes.

The other girl looks offended at the gesture. “What?”

Emma sighs. “You need to let it go, Chloe. He’s not interested.”

“You don’t know that! He was barely here a week!”

“Yeah, but in that week the only person he ever spoke to was Manon. You invited him to sit with us here every day and he always said no, that he’d rather sit alone. I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Chloe frowns hard at her. “What, you think he’s gay?”

Emma just shrugs her shoulders but Eliott doesn’t miss how her eyes dart to him.

Chloe doesn’t miss it either. She narrows her eyes at Eliott who looks down at the table, wishing they would change the subject. But before he can think of something new to talk about, Chloe’s eyes widen and she kicks Emma under the table.

“What?” Emma snaps.

She turns to look at what Chloe’s gaping at as Chloe whispers sharply, “He’s here.”

Eliott can’t stop himself. He turns to catch Lucas walking through the cafeteria and into the kitchen.

“Don’t you dare ask him to sit with us again," Emma says abruptly.

Chloe’s expression drops. “Why not?” she asks, looking wounded.

“Because it’s embarrassing. You always come at him too hard and I don’t want you to look like a fool.”

Chloe doesn’t argue with her, just picks dejectedly at her spaghetti, and when Lucas comes back into the room with his own tray, she keeps her eyes on her plate and doesn’t say anything.

Eliott feels a little bad for her and considers saying something but all thoughts of the girl are wiped away completely when, without warning, Lucas sits his tray down in front of him and takes the seat opposite Eliott at the table.

Eliott is so caught off guard he can do nothing but stare. Lucas throws a small smile at the girls before his eyes fall on Eliott. The smile he gives Eliott is a little wider, more genuine. It makes Eliott’s heart leap in his chest.

“Lucas!” Chloe says, eyes wide as she gapes at the boy sitting next to her. “Um...wow.”

Emma looks just as surprised as Chloe but she quickly reigns in her expression before leaning into Lucas slightly and asking, “So...you’re back. What’s B-ward like?”

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and digs into his spaghetti. “It wasn’t so bad. Louder than here. Lots of screaming. Hard to sleep there.”

His eyes catch Eliott’s again and Emma notices, saying, “Oh! This is Eliott. He’s new. Just got here today.”

Lucas smiles openly at Eliott this time and something warms in Eliott’s chest, the air around him feels lighter, and the room seems brighten. He smiles back, and when Lucas’s foot pushes up tight against his own, Eliott doesn’t pull away.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

When they get back to the ward, Eliott heads straight for his room, flopping down on his bed with a heavy thump. He’s so tired. Like, down to his bones. All this walking and talking and... _being a person_...is exhausting. All Eliott wants to do now is sleep.

He flops around awkwardly trying to get comfortable. Knows he must look ridiculous, like a fish out of water, when he hears a soft chuckle from somewhere in the room behind him. When he lifts his head to look he’s surprised to find Lucas standing there with bags in his hands.

“Don’t bother trying to get comfortable,” Lucas says, dropping his bags on the floor by the bed on the opposite side of the room. “These mattresses are terrible. I don’t think I’ve had a decent nights sleep since I got here.”

Eliott groans and buries his face in his pillow. Lucas chuckles again, opening one of the bags and heading to the dresser on his side of the room. On the way, he notices Eliott’s huge duffle bag on the floor at the foot of Eliott’s bed.

“You really did just get here, huh? You didn’t even get a chance to unpack yet.”

“I don’t think I have the strength,” Eliott moans.

“Do you want some help?”

Eliott looks up at Lucas with bleary eyes. He starts to say, “It’s OK. You don’t have to...” but he’s quickly overcome by a yawn so great his whole body shudders in the aftermath of it.

Lucas laughs lightly and smiles down at him and it really is like the sun coming out.

“Don’t worry about it. We don’t have group for another hour so you take a nap. I’ll take care of this stuff.”

Eliott thanks him and gets as comfortable as he can _(Lucas is right, these mattresses suck)_ and within minutes he’s sound asleep.

When he finally wakes up, the light in the room has shifted, and Lucas is gently prodding his shoulder.

“Eliott, do you want to go down to dinner?”

Eliott groans, rubs his eyes, and stretches his legs out, trying to drag his body back to the land of the living. Damn...he slept _hard_.

“Dinner?” He mumbles, looking up at Lucas who is standing over him. “I thought we had group?”

“You were so out they decided to just let you sleep. But we’re going down to dinner now. They said you don’t have to go if you don’t feel up to it.”

Eliott can’t believe he’s been out for that long. It feels like he only slept for a couple of minutes. He can already feel the weight of his body trying to sink back into sleep again.

“Yeah, I think I’ll stay here.”

Lucas nods his head. “Alright. I’ll let them know.”

Eliott smiles gratefully at the other boy before dropping his head back down to the pillow. He doesn’t even remember Lucas leaving again.

 

~~~~

 

_Darkness. Everywhere he looks, nothing but darkness. It’s suffocating him. Long black tendrils writhing around him, crawling up his legs, wrapping around his face, slithering down his throat, wrapping tightly around his lungs making it impossible to breathe. He tries to scream, reaches out into the darkness for someone, anyone to help him. But there’s no one. He’s alone. He thrashes against a heavy weight pressing him down, his feet sinking into the earth as it swallows him whole._

Eliott’s jerks and gasps, pushing himself up until he’s on his knees in the bed. He’s panting, the room is spinning. _Where the fuck am I_ , he thinks, trying to focus on the space around him.

“Eliott?”

A hand closes around his arm and Eliott pulls roughly away, flopping back against the wall next to his bed.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry.”

Oh. Oh yeah. The hospital.

“Lucas,” Eliott breathes out, hand going to his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Lucas says. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, no, you’re fine. I just...forgot where I was for a second.”

“Are you alright?” Lucas asks tentatively.

Eliott slides down the wall to sit on the bed. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine. Just a...bad dream.”

Lucas sits back down on his bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

Eliott stands up and heads for his dresser, pulling off his damp t-shirt along the way. The digital clock sitting on top reads 12:03 am. 

Lucas says, “I put your shirts in the top drawer.”

Eliott thanks him and grabs another t-shirt, only he hesitates to put it on. It’s too hot in here.

He balls the t-shirt up in his fist. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

“It’s OK. I wasn’t sleeping.”

Eliott climbs back onto his bed, resting his back against the wall next to it.

“You can’t sleep?”

Lucas slides backwards onto his own bed, mimicking Eliott’s position against the wall.

“No,” he says. “But I’m used to it.”

The only light in the room is coming from outside. It could be the moon, it could be the parking lot, Eliott’s not sure. But with the curtains wide open it’s enough to see by. He thinks Lucas is beautiful in this light. But then, Lucas would be beautiful in any light.

“I had trouble sleeping for a long time too.” Eliott shares.

“Oh yeah? How’d you get over it?”

Eliott shrugs his shoulders like it was nothing. “Doctor gave me a pill.”

That’s when he hears it. Again. The voice he was hoping would be gone forever with the pills he took the previous day. It sounds like someone whispering just over his right shoulder.

_That’s not it though, is it?_

No, it’s not. The pills didn’t help. There’s more to the story.

_Don’t tell him. He’ll hate you._

Lucas wouldn’t hate him, would he? Lucas, who’s been so nice since they met. Who put his things away for him when he didn’t have the will to do it himself. Lucas, who tried to help him when he woke up from a nightmare. Who was willing to listen if he wanted to talk about it. Lucas, whose smile makes Eliott’s knees go weak and his heart race. Who makes him want to _feel_ something again. Something real.

Lucas is real. The voice isn’t.

 _Fuck_ the voice.

Eliott continues. “But the pills didn’t help. I mean, they did a little. But really, I couldn’t sleep because I was manic. It’s...that’s...why I’m here.”

“Manic?”

“Yeah,” Eliott pauses. He’s never actually told anyone about this before. Until now, the only people who know about his diagnosis are his parents.

_And they hate you._

Shut up!

_They hate you they hate you they hate you…_

_If you tell him he’ll hate you too_

_You’re broken. Used up. No one wants you._ **_He_ ** _won’t want you._

Heart racing, Eliott stares down at the bed sheets. He knows what he wants to say but the words won’t come out. It’s like they’re frozen in his throat. Choking him.

_Fucked up too fucked up used up done over it’s over it’s over it’s over_

Eliott coughs, shakes his head, presses his fist hard into the center of his chest.

He looks up at Lucas who must see something on his face because he shuffles closer across the bed, looking worried.

“Hey…” Lucas says, reaching out. “It’s ok. You don’t have to talk about it. You don’t have to say anything else. Alright?”

Eliott nods shakily, grateful for the reprieve as relief floods his chest, muscles finally relaxing their stranglehold on his throat. He takes a deep breath, which seems to satisfy something in Lucas because he relaxes too. He leans back against the wall again before saying, “Hey, do you wanna know why  _I’m_ in here?”

Eliott nods again, runs trembling fingers through his hair, happy with the change of subject.

“For me, it was either jail, or this beautiful place.” Lucas opens his arms wide, like he’s embracing their surroundings.

Wow. OK. Eliott was not expecting that.

“Really?” he asks, as the last of the tension finally leaves his body.

“Yup. I don’t want to scare you but your roommate is a 100% certified ‘bad boy.”

When Lucas winks at him, Eliott huffs out a laugh and asks, “Oh yeah? Why’s that?’

“I guess you could say I have a bit of a temper.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” Lucas shrugs, like it’s that simple. But then he says, “Well, actually, _some people_ say I’ve got some kind of disorder that makes you explode a lot.”

“You explode a lot?” Eliott says, giggling.

Lucas beams. “Totally! All the time. All over the place. It can get really annoying. And messy! Like once, I exploded all over my dad’s car.”

“What?” Eliott exclaims, in between giggles.

“Hell yeah, made a real mess of it.”

“How?”

Lucas shrugs his shoulders again. “Took a tire iron to it.”

“Shit.” Eliott says, sobering a little. He wasn’t expecting that either.

Lucas’s smile fades as well. “Yeah.”

Eliott can’t help but ask. “Why?” Before quickly adding, “That is...if you want to tell me.”

Lucas is quiet for a long moment, picking at the strings along his bedspread, before finally saying, “I just got back from visiting my mom in the hospital. She’s been in-patient for a while now at Sainte Anne’s...I try to visit her as much as I can. That night, I was supposed to spend the night at my best friend’s house, but something came up and he had to cancel, so I just went home instead. When I got there I found my dad with another woman.”

Eliott groans.

“Yeah. He introduced me to her like it was a totally normal thing. Then he tells me my mom knows about them. That they’re getting a divorce. I just lost it. I mean, he served her fucking divorce papers while she’s in a mental hospital!”

Lucas fists the bed sheets and stares out the window. Eliott wishes he hadn’t asked after all.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers and when Lucas turns his face to look at him, the light catches on the tears streaking his face.

Eliott wants so badly to hug him but right now all he can offer is paltry words.

“It sounds like he deserved it.”

Lucas cracks a small smile.

“Yeah, he did.”

They settle into a comfortable silence. After a while, words come again. Words like:

“What’s your favorite music?”

“Where do you live?”

“What do your parents do?”

“What are you studying?”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“I did,” Eliott says. He’s lying on his back now, sheets pulled up to his chest.

Lucas is lying down now too. Eliott can’t see him from this position, but he knows he is. He takes comfort in the knowledge that Lucas is right there. So close. Only five feet away. “We broke up about 2 months ago.”

“Oh, sorry. What happened?”

Eliott sighs. It’s a long story, but he'll try to make it short as he can.

“Well, it started out good. We were together for about two years.”

“Really? Wow.”

“Yeah. But then she found out I’d been with a guy before her and suddenly she started acting crazy jealous. I mean, she’d always been a little jealous but now she was out of control. All someone had to do was look at me and she’d go off. It was too much. There was some other stuff too, but that was mostly it.”

“She sounds insecure.”

“Yeah, she acted like everyone wanted to steal me away. Guy, girl, it didn’t matter.”

“Well, you are are pretty good looking.”

The way Lucas says it is casual, almost like a joke. But Eliott’s heart still stutters in his chest. He does his best not to show it though, huffing out a laugh and saying, “I’m not _that_ good looking,” just in case.

It would be nice if he could see Lucas’s face right now, to better gage what he’s thinking. But then Lucas breathes out, “I think you’re beautiful,” and Eliott has a pretty good idea.

Eliott takes a deep breath. He doesn’t know what to say to that. He knows what he wants to _do_. He wants to crawl into Lucas’s bed and kiss him breathless but it’s a bit too soon for that. So words will have to do. If he can just find the right ones. He must think about it too long because he hears a nervous, “Eliott?” from Lucas’s side of the room.

Without giving it another thought, Eliott says the first thing that came to mind.

“I think you’re beautiful, too.”

 

~~~~

 

 

The next day starts out alright. Chloe glares at Eliott all through breakfast, presumably because he and Lucas are sitting alone together this time.

Eliott leans in close and whispers to Lucas, “She really has a thing for you.”

Lucas frowns down at his bacon and eggs. “Chloe has a thing for everyone apparently.”

“What do you mean?”

“That’s part of why she’s here. Her acting out...sexually, I guess. The first week I was here she hit on me countless times. She came onto to Arthur too. And Ben.”

Eliott coughs and chokes on his food. Lucas grins and pats him on the back.

“Wait a minute.” Eliott croaks. “You mean Ben, as in, Ben the aide?”

“Yeah. Ben the aide.”

“Wow.”

“She even hit on Basille.”

“Who’s Basille?”

Lucas points to a boy with tight brown curls who’s sitting alone right behind him. The boy is talking to himself. Holding what looks like a completely animated conversation with only the air in front of him.

At Eliott’s bewildered expression, Lucas adds, “It may look like he’s talking to himself, but he’s _actually_ talking to his intergalactic girlfriend. She crash landed here over 200 hundred years ago and has been searching the world for her soulmate ever since. The moment they found each other their lives were complete.”

“OK...that’s...different.” Eliott says, eyes focused on his extra helping of bacon to avoid staring. “What else do you know about these guys?”

“I think Manon is here for depression. That guy there, Charles,” Lucas points to a tall, attractive guy sitting 3 tables away. “He had some kind of psychotic break and burned down his parent’s house. The guy sitting with him, Alex, I know he tried to kill himself, not sure how though.

Arthur’s anorexic. Daphne, that blonde girl over there sitting with Emma? I think she’s Bulimic.”

“What about Emma?”

Lucas pauses to consider for a moment before saying, “I’m not sure.”  

“How do you know all this stuff if you’ve never talked to them?”

“Just because I never talked doesn’t mean I didn’t listen.”

“Why didn’t you talk though? You don’t seem to have a problem talking now.” It's the question Eliott's been curious about since last night.

Lucas takes a big bite of his scrambled eggs and then really takes his time chewing. Eliott gets the feeling that he’s stalling.

Finally, the other boy says, “When I got here I was really angry. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to participate. I didn’t want to get to know people...make friends. I just wanted out. But then…”

He pauses, big blue eyes studying Eliott’s face. The scrutiny is enough to make Eliott blush.

“But then?” Eliott tries prompting.

Lucas clears his throat. “But then I saw you and... I thought maybe there could be a reason for me to stay.”

 

After breakfast, Lucas has a one-on-one counseling session with Lanier while Eliott goes to the day room for the first group meeting of the day.

It’s Eliott’s first group and in his opinion, it’s a waste of time. All everyone does is bitch about their problems. The only interesting thing is when Basille talks about how bad he feels that his mother won’t give his girlfriend, Gabrielle, a chance. And then spends the next ten minutes toting all the virtues of his intergalactic goddess. When he starts to talk about how good the sex is, everyone in the group screams, “No!” and their counselor, Madame Dubois, says, “Basille, please. Somethings should be kept private.”

Lucas meets Eliott in the hallway when it’s over and as usual, when Lucas smiles at him, something lights up in Eliott’s chest, something warm and bright. It makes his head spin a little.

It’s not until a few minutes have gone by that Eliott realizes the spinning isn’t just Lucas related. They’re walking back to their room when his vision clouds and the ground upends itself beneath his feet and he has to grab the wall to keep his balance.

There’s an alarming tightness in his stomach. “I don’t feel so good,” he says, reaching out to Lucas who takes his arm.

Eliott makes it to the bathroom in their room just in time to heave into the toilet once, twice, and then again. Throwing up everything he ate for breakfast.  

When it’s finally over, Eliott groans and spits into the toilet, flushes it, and then flops back against the bathtub behind him.

“Feel better?” Lucas asks, his hand a warm weight on Eliott’s shoulder.

Eliott nods. His stomach does feel better, but, “Still dizzy,” he adds, sliding down all the way until he’s lying flat on the cool linoleum floor.

“Sorry,” Eliott apologizes, looking up at Lucas who’s kneeling above him, eyebrows knitted in concern. “That was gross.”

Lucas shakes his head, frowning down at him. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Better out than in, right?”

Eliott nods and sighs.

“Can you get up?” Lucas asks.

Eliott thinks about it for a minute. “Um...no. I think I should probably stay here for now. I think if I move I’ll hurl again.”

“OK. Should I get someone?”

“No, don’t. Just give me a few minutes. I’ll be fine.”

“Alright.” Lucas says, sitting down on the floor next to Eliott’s head.

“You don’t have to stay here.” Eliott comments.

“I want to,” then, “Oh! I’ll be right back,” and Lucas abruptly stands up, disappearing into the bedroom. He returns a second later with a pillow off one of the beds, carefully lifting Eliott’s head to place the pillow under him.

Before Eliott can even say thank you, Lucas asks, “Do you want some water? Let me get you some water.”

Actually, water sounds nice, so Eliott nods his head yes. There are paper cups on the sink and Lucas quickly fills one with water and gives it to him, before sitting back down next to him.

The cool water in his throat and the chilled linoleum under his body feels really good. And having Lucas there, so close, wanting so badly to help, stirs something in Eliott that he recognizes easily but hasn’t felt in so long. He feels _cared_ for. Safe. Even in this place, even with Eliott’s messed up head. Lucas cares. There’s no judgement with him. And with the warmth of his body so close, his cool hand on Eliott’s forehead, Eliott feels _seen_. He feels real.  

He sighs. “Thank you.”

Lucas smiles lightly down at him and despite the rumbling in his stomach, Eliott feels better.

 

Eliott is miserable for the next few days. He’s dizzy, nauseous, and can’t keep anything down.

“Why won’t the doctor see you?” Lucas questions. “He should have at least seen you by now.”

Lucas has been getting more and more frustrated as time goes by, getting louder and louder as he complains to the nurse every time he sees her.

Eliott reaches for Lucas’s hand and tugs until the boy is sitting next to him on the bed again.

“He’s not here, remember? And it doesn’t matter. He said it’s just the side effects of my meds. They should be gone by the end of the week. And if they're not, they'll change my meds.”

Lucas squeezes Eliott’s hand. “They should switch them now. You shouldn’t have to suffer for a week before they do anything.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not!”

“Lucas, I’m sure it’s OK.”

Lucas ignores him and declares, “I don’t want to go to group.”

“You have to go.”

Lucas lets out a frustrated sigh and when the counselor comes to get him for group, he continues to fight her. It’s only when an aide is called and he’s threatened with time in the “quiet room,” the room at the end of the hall with the padded walls, that Lucas gives in and reluctantly leaves Eliott alone, with a mumbled, “This place sucks,” as he leaves the room.

 

 

Eliott doesn’t start feeling better until 3 days later. He and Lucas have been spending every moment they can together, sitting up most nights talking about movies and music and telling each other stories about their lives.

It’s their 9th night on the ward and Eliott has the nightmare again. It’s always the same. Every time, he’s drowning alone in darkness with no one there to save him. It’s the fourth time here that Eliott’s had this dream and ever since the first time, he's always managed not to wake Lucas. But tonight, it’s especially bad, and Eliott surges up on the bed, gasping for air, clawing at the invisible tendrils of icy black around his neck.

He can still feel the cold nothingness as it snakes its way down his throat, coils around his lungs and Eliott is suffocating until the sensation of warm hands over his cheeks and the sound of a voice calling his name pulls him back.

“Eliott!”

_Lucas._

Finally, Eliott can breathe again and with every sucking breath, the tendrils recede and Eliott’s limbs flood with warmth. He lies there for a moment, trembling, as the adrenaline slowly fades away. Only then does he realize that there are arms around him and it finally registers that Lucas is in his bed, holding Eliott tight against his chest.

Eliott thinks he _should_ be embarrassed but he just doesn’t have the strength.

Lucas holds him close. “Is this OK?” he asks. Eliott hums his approval and wraps his arm around Lucas’s waist.

He presses his face into Lucas’s chest and whispers, “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

Lucas brushes his fingers through Eliott’s hair and holds him even tighter. “You’re not a mess.”

“I am, but I don’t want to be.”

“Eliott…” Lucas says, his breath warm against Eliott’s forehead.

“No, I am.” Eliott interrupts. “I don’t want to be but I can’t help it.”

“None of us can help it. That’s why we’re here. It’s not your fault.”

Eliott’s tries to hold back the tears but fails miserably, saying, “I tried to…” He stops, heaves in a breath, grabs a handful of Lucas’s t-shirt, and tries again. “I tried to kill myself.” Lucas’s fingers tighten slightly in his hair. “I drove my car into a fucking tree. Couldn’t even do that right. Forgot about the fucking airbags.”

“I’m glad you failed,” Lucas says, voice rough with emotion. “If you hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t have met you.”

“You don’t want to know me, Lucas.” Eliott assures him.

“Of course I do. From the moment I saw you I wanted to know you.”

Eliott pulls his head away from Lucas’s chest. “But you’ll get sick of me. Just like everybody else. One day, I’ll do something stupid, something that pisses you off, and you’ll want nothing to do with me. That’s what happens. That’s what always happens.”

Lucas wipes the tears off Eliott’s cheeks and disagrees. “I could never get sick of you.”

“You don’t know that. Everybody does, even my parents. I haven’t seen or spoken to them since the night of the accident. They left me. Everybody leaves me.”

Lucas shifts on the bed a little and tilts Eliott’s chin up so he can look him in the eyes. “Eliott, I swear. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave you.”

Eliott wants to protest but he’s so tired. He sighs heavily in defeat as Lucas wraps his arms around him again. Eliott lets the smaller boy cradle him for as long as he wants to. Until they both fall asleep again and until they’re both jerked awake by a bright light shining in their faces.

Lucas is forced to move back to his own bed by the aide but as soon as the aide leaves, Lucas is up again. He sets the alarm on their clock for 55 minutes later and then climbs back into Eliott’s bed, settling himself against Eliott’s back with an arm around his chest. Eliott tells himself to just enjoy it for as long as he can while at the same time trying to ignore how natural it feels to have Lucas so close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to edit a couple things in the first chapter. I decided to drop a subplot I had started hinting at so I deleted everything hinting at it. Which was really only a sentence or two.
> 
> I also had a revelation and changed the date of Eliott's hospitalization to one week after the accident instead of six months. The reason why I had to do that comes up in this chapter. Eliott would have been protected by airbags, so his injuries wouldn't have required months of recovery time. 
> 
> I think that's it. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. And know that this isn't a slow burn, things heat up from here on out. 
> 
> I really appreciate you guys. If you feel like talking to me I am Mystic-reader @ Tumblr too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating has changed to explicit now and new tags have been added for the sex stuff going on from here on out. ;-)

The next day is Eliott’s first one-on-one session with Lanier. Eliott’s never experienced counseling before so he has no idea what to expect. Turns out, the doctor just wants to talk.

Lanier starts with, “So I am glad to hear the side effects have gotten better. Have they gone away completely?”

Eliott slouches down in his seat. He’s still really tired, which doesn’t make much sense since he slept pretty well last night with Lucas there. Although they did have to wake up every hour for Lucas to go back to his own bed for bed check. Around 5 am, Eliott had finally convinced Lucas to stay in his own bed and get some real sleep.

“Sometimes I still feel dizzy and I feel really washed out. Like, it’s hard to think. I’m so tired.”

“And what about the voices?”

Eliott stiffens slightly and crosses his arms over his chest. “I told you I didn’t hear voices,” he says, voice cold.

Lanier’s expression softens and he leans forward to rest his arms on the desk in front of him.

“It’s okay to be honest here, Eliott. This is a judgement free space. Visual and auditory hallucinations are not uncommon with your disorder. So I am not surprised to hear that you’ve experienced both.”

Wait a minute. Eliott’s getting aggravated now. “What do you mean you’re not surprised to hear it?” he asks.

The doctor sighs.

“Your parents mentioned that they’ve seen you talking to people that aren’t there.”

“You talked to my parents?” Eliott snaps.

“Of course I did.”

Eliott lets out a huff, “Well, you’re the only one then.”

The doctor looks confused. “You haven’t spoken to them?”

Eliott shakes his head. There are tears pricking at his eyes but he pushes them back.

“When was the last time you talked to your parents?”

“The night of the accident, before I left in the car.”

‘You didn’t see them in the hospital afterwards?”

Eliott shakes his head.

The doctor looks like he’s having trouble believing that.

“My lawyer showed up and told me that I was going to have to stay there for 72 hours and then I would either be going to jail or coming here. That I had to make a choice. Of course I chose to come here.”

“And you never saw your parents?”

There’s a heavy weight in Eliott’s chest. He takes a deep breath and says, “Nope.” He’s trying to act like it doesn’t bother him, but from the look on Lanier’s face, he’s not buying it.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Eliott shrugs his shoulders, stares down at the carpet, and asks, “When did you talk to them?”

Lanier straightens his shoulders and sits back in his seat. “I spoke to them the day before you got here. I can’t believe they didn’t talk to you. That’s not right, Eliott, I hope you know that.”

Eliott shrugs, blinking away the tears in his eyes. It’s embarrassing, the way Lanier is watching him.

“I’m serious, Eliott. I don’t know why they’re not speaking to you but you have to know that what happened wasn’t your fault. If they are holding it against you for some reason, that’s not right. And you don’t deserve it.”

Eliott softens a little, shoulders drooping. It’s hard to believe, but nice to hear.

Lanier must feel sure that Eliott heard him because he gives a quick nod of his head and picks up a pen, opening one of the notebooks in front of him.

“So Eliott, please be honest with me when I ask, when was the last time you heard the voices?”

Eliott takes a second to think and that’s when he realizes that it’s actually been a while.

“Actually I haven’t heard them since the first night I was here.”

“That’s good,” Lanier says, writing something down. “And when was the first time you heard them?”

Eliott plays with the strings on a hole in his jeans while he thinks about it.

“Maybe four or five months ago.”

They talk for a little while longer. Eliott describes the first time he realized the voices weren’t real and talks a little about the shadows he sometimes sees and the way it felt like he was being watched.

“And you’re doing alright here, in the ward?” Lanier asks, still jotting down notes with his pen. “You’re getting used to the routine?”

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

“I heard you and Lucas are close.”

Eliott nods but otherwise remains silent. He really doesn’t want to talk about Lucas. How he feels about Lucas doesn’t belong in this space. It doesn’t belong to these people, with all their invasive questions and watchful eyes. What he and Lucas have, and it _is_ something, Eliott can’t give it a name yet, but it’s _something_ , and it belongs to Lucas and him alone.

“You two were found in bed together last night?”

Eliott cringes internally. He doesn’t like the way that sounds. It makes what they did sound dirty, makes it sound wrong. What he and Lucas shared last night wasn’t dirty. It was intimate, and special, but it wasn’t dirty.

So he says, “I had a nightmare. Lucas was just trying to help.”

“Do you have nightmares a lot?”

Eliott’s glad for the change in subject. He describes his nightmare to Lanier and they discuss it until Eliott’s time is up.

 

 

That wasn’t too bad, Eliott thinks, as he’s being led back to the ward. He’s excited to see Lucas again. Talking to Lanier was exhausting, and he just wants to be able to relax in the other boy’s presence for a little while before they have to go to their next group meeting. But when Eliott gets back to the ward the first thing he hears is yelling.

_Oh, no._

It’s Lucas.

Eliott bursts through the door onto the ward, heart racing, to find Lucas being dragged down the hallway by two of the aides.

“No! I said don’t touch me!” Lucas screams as he tries to fight them off.

“Lucas!” Eliott yells as he starts running toward him. He’s halfway down the hallway when Lucas spots him. Lucas’s eyes are wide and full of fear and he keeps trying to pull away from the two aides holding him. It’s a losing battle though. The two men are easily twice Lucas’s size.

“No!” Lucas bellows. “I don’t want to!” but of course the men ignore him.

Eliott’s stopped suddenly by a strong grip on his arm. It’s Ben, holding him back.

“What happened?” Eliott shouts, trying to pull away. Ben yanks hard on Eliott’s arm, trying to lead him in the opposite direction. Eliott tries to shove him off again, yelling once more, “What happened?”

The two aides with Lucas lift the smaller boy completely off his feet and carry him bodily to an open doorway at the end of the hall before practically throwing him inside, slamming the door shut behind him.

The quiet room.

“It’s just for a little while, Eliott,” Ben says, still holding Eliott back. “Just until he calms down.”

“What happened?!” Eliott tries again but Ben just shakes his head.

“I don’t know. You’re going to have to talk to him.”

Eliott can still hear Lucas screaming. It’s muffled now. Eliott’s heart clenches in his chest.

“How long does he have to be in there?” he asks, eyes welling with tears.

“I told you,” Ben responds, finally letting go of Eliott’s arm. “Just until he calms down.”

The tears streak Eliott’s face. “Can I…?” he asks, pointing at the door down the hall. “Can I just talk to him? Through the door.”

Ben nods his head and Eliott sighs in relief.

“Tell him if he calms down, we’ll open the door. He’ll still have to stay inside, but we can leave the door open.”

Eliott nods his head in acknowledgement and practically runs to the quiet room’s door.

“Lucas?” Eliott calls, pressing up against the door from the outside.

“Eliott? Lucas responds, voice muffled by the thick layer of foam between them.

“Yeah. It’s me.”

“Eliott!” Lucas cries. Eliott can hear him sobbing and the sound breaks his heart.

“Lucas, it’s okay,” he says through the door. “You just have to calm down. Just calm down and they’ll open the door.”

Lucas doesn’t say anything.

“Lucas, can you hear me?”

“Yeah,” Lucas answers. “I’m trying.”

Eliott waits. A couple minutes go buy and he can’t hear anything. He imagines Lucas inside, pacing, calming himself down. A few more minutes pass, and finally Eliott hears, “OK. Tell them I’m okay. They can open the door.”

Eliott looks for an aide and is surprised to find one standing not even 10 feet away. Eliott had been so worried about Lucas that he hadn’t even noticed him. He assumes the man’s there to monitor them.

“He says he’s okay now.” Eliott tells the aide. “You can open the door.”

Eliott steps out of the man’s way as he walks over to the door. He has a set of keys in his hand but he doesn’t use them right away.

“Lucas?” The aide calls though the door. “Can you hear me?”

“Yeah.” Lucas replies.

“Alright, we’ll open the door but you have to stay in there. If you stay calm, we can leave the door open, but you have to _stay calm_. If you try to leave, we’ll have to shut the door again. You hear me?”

Lucas says, “Okay.”

The aide proceeds to unlock the door, swinging it open to reveal a disheveled Lucas standing on the other side. Even with a red face, hair sticking up everywhere, and cheeks stained with tears, he’s still the most beautiful person Eliott has ever laid eyes on.

“Can I go in?” Eliott asks the aide who considers for it a moment, glancing back and forth between Eliott and Lucas, before nodding his head yes.

Eliott steps into the quiet room and immediately pulls Lucas into his arms. Lucas wraps his arms around Eliott’s waist and sobs into his shoulder while Eliott buries his face in Lucas’s soft hair and holds him close.

“What happened?” Eliott asks gently.

It takes Lucas a minute to respond as he struggles to catch his breath. Finally he says, “My dad showed up. He’s such an asshole. I fucking hate him.” Then he’s crying again, clinging to the back of Eliott’s shirt.

Eliott does what he can to soothe him, humming softly and running his fingers through Lucas’s hair.

When Lucas is able to catch his breath again he pulls away from Eliott slightly, sniffles, and wipes the tears from his eyes.

“He brought _her_.” he says angrily, sounding disgusted.

Eliott uses his thumbs to wipe away the tears that continue to fall unheeded.

“I can’t believe he brought her here,” Lucas says, sniffling again and looking up at Eliott. “What, is he trying to rub her in my face now? He doesn’t give a fuck about me, or my mom. All he cares about is himself.

He said he came to tell me that he was going away for a while. That he’s going with _her_ , to Greece, to see her parents. Said he doesn’t know when he’ll be back.

I asked him what am I supposed to do when I get out of here. He said I was probably going to have to find another place to live.”

Lucas buries his face in Eliott’s chest again.

“I hate him,” he cries. “I hate him. I hate him so much. I lost my temper.”

Without thinking, Eliott kisses the side of Lucas’s head. “It’s okay.” he says. “I swear, it will be okay. We’ll figure something out, alright? We’ll do it together, alright?”

Lucas nods his head against Eliott’s chest.

Eliott doesn’t question why he’s so sure he and Lucas will still be together once they get out. He just knows they will. It goes against every self-protective instinct Eliott has to let this boy so deep into his heart but he can’t help it. Ever since he met Lucas, since he’s gotten to know him, he just can’t imagine Lucas not being in his life. It’s as simple as that. Even if Lucas never wants them to be anything more than friends, Eliott can’t lose him. Lucas is already too important to him. Even if Eliott never gets the chance to kiss him, to touch him, he still needs Lucas there.

Now that he thinks about it, there’s a possibility that Lucas might actually feel the same way. After all, he’d told Eliott the night before that he’d never leave him. He’d sounded so sure but Eliott couldn’t believe it then because Lucas doesn’t really know him. Not really. He has no idea just how fucked up Eliott is. So how could he be so sure? But maybe…

He needs Lucas, maybe Lucas needs him too.

Eliott’s still terrified, of himself, of his illness, but seeing Lucas so upset seems to have settled something in his mind. He’s been running for so long, from his own thoughts and emotions. Lucas makes him want to stop running. He wants to be better. For himself, but also for Lucas.

 

 

The two of them sit down on the floor of the quiet room, Eliott with his arm over Lucas’s shoulders. Eventually, Lucas stops crying and before long, Madame Dubois appears in the doorway asking if they’re ready to go to their art or music group.

“Can we just go to our room?” Lucas asks. “I’m exhausted and we could use a break.

Madame Dubois says they can and that she’ll be back to check on them in a little bit.

The two boys make their way back to their room. Eliott has the urge to take Lucas’s hand but he knows he can’t. If the staff got the idea that they were anything more than friends, they would be separated, and Eliott can’t let that happen.

When they get to their room Lucas walks in a head of him and Eliott follows, shutting the door behind them with a soft click.

Eliott leans against the door. Lucas has his back to him and Eliott watches as he scrubs his hands up and down over his face. When he turns around, his eyes are on the floor, his face flushed.

“I’m sorry _I’m_ such a mess,” Lucas says. He sounds exhausted.

Eliott strides toward him until they’re only a foot apart.

“It’s alright,” he says. “You know I’m a mess too, but it’s going to be okay, alright? Because now we have each other.”

Lucas looks up at him, eyes hopeful. “We do?” he asks, voice soft.

“Well, you did promise not to leave me,” Eliott reminds him, taking another step closer. Lucas nods. “And now I’m telling you that I’m not going to leave you either.”

Lucas looks up at him, eyes wide with wonder. Eliott takes a deep breath and reaches for him, cradling the smaller boy’s face in between his hands. All Eliott has to do is look into those big big blue eyes and he knows, without a doubt, that he would do anything for Lucas. Anything, as long as Lucas keeps looking at him with those eyes.

Lucas shuffles even closer, hands going to Eliott’s hips. He sighs and closes his eyes when Eliott drops his head down to rest their foreheads together. They stand there for a long moment, simply breathing each other's air.

When Eliott opens his eyes, Lucas is looking up at him again, eyes darting from Eliott’s eyes, to his lips, and back again. Eliott takes that for permission and leans down, covering Lucas’s lips with his own.

Their first kiss is soft, slow at first. They want to savor the moment, but when Eliott’s tongue slips forward, seeking entry, Lucas has no problem opening up and letting him in.

Eliott uses his fingers on the back of Lucas’s neck to pull the boy closer, kissing him deeper now, lingering every time their tongues touch.  

Eliott’s wondered what it would be like to kiss Lucas since the moment he saw him. Now, he knows; It’s everything he thought it would be but at the same time, so much more. So much better. So unlike anyone else he’s ever kissed for the first time. With Lucas, there’s no awkwardness. There’s no worries about whether he should tilt his head this way or that or of how much tongue he should use. Kissing Lucas is easy. It’s natural. Which is good because Lucas tugs Eliott closer, until there’s no space left between them, slides his hands up Eliott’s back and takes every kiss Eliott gives him, giving back even more, and everything else fades away. The hospital. His parents. Bad dreams. All the thousands of thoughts that usually whirl through his head every minute of the day. They’re all gone. There’s nothing left but Lucas. Only Lucas.

But for every unhurried kiss, their breathing gets heavier and the need builds, making Eliott’s body react in the most primal of ways: his cock hardening, making him want--need more.

Lucas must feel it too because his fingers dig into Eliott’s hips and he pulls Eliott even closer until he can feel the hard line of Lucas’s cock against his thigh. It’s reassuring to know that he’s not the only one affected, that he’s not the only one who wants this.

Lucas pulls away and tilts his head back, sucking in a hurried breath. Eliott kisses his way down Lucas’s chin to his throat, drops his hands down to Lucas’s ass, pulling him in, making sure he stays close.

“Fuck,” Lucas hisses, hips stuttering against Eliott’s thigh.

Eliott smiles, kisses him again, and gently shuffles Lucas across the room until he has him pressed up against the wall, sliding his knee in between Lucas’s thighs to keep him pinned. Lucas’s hands move to Eliott’s shoulders and his head thumps back against the wall as Eliott licks his way into his mouth, pressing as close as he can get, making the smaller boy moan.

Eliott pulls back enough to whisper, “Shhhhh. We have to be quiet.”

Lucas nods and reaches up to run his hands through Eliott’s hair, fingers tightening when Eliott kisses him again. Eliott wraps his arms around Lucas’s waist, rucking his t-shirt up to get his hands on bare skin. Lucas shudders against him and groans. Oh, fuck, the noises this kid makes are going to kill Eliott, he’s sure, and he wants to hear them all but they really do have to be quiet so he silences Lucas with his tongue and pushes him harder against the wall, quickly finding a position that lets him thrust against Lucas’s hip.

They’re panting into each other's mouths. It’s hot and messy and Eliott can’t believe it but he’s going to come just from this, just from sloppy kisses and dry humping. But the way Lucas is straining against him, frantically rubbing himself against Eliott’s thigh, makes it more than okay.

Lucas breaks first, nails digging into Eliott’s hair as he shudders through his orgasm, come seeping hot and wet through his sweatpants and dampening Eliott’s thigh.

The look on Lucas’s face as he comes is more than enough to tip Eliott over the edge. He sucks in a harsh breath as he goes over, hands gripping Lucas’s ass and his cock pressed hard against Lucas’s hip as his whole body shakes through the aftermath.

They kiss as they come down from their high, open mouthed and breathless, until Lucas presses his face to Eliott’s chest and Eliott drops his forehead to rest against Lucas’s shoulder.

“Fuck…” Lucas murmmers and Eliott laughs softly, wraps his arms around the smaller boy and holds him close.

They stand there, simply breathing and holding each other until the come cools in their pants and starts to get uncomfortable.

Eliott pulls back and looks down at Lucas. Lucas smiles brightly up at him, the look in his eyes so different than before, happy now, no longer fearful, and Eliott’s heart melts inside his chest.

He’s about to kiss Lucas again when there’s a sharp knock on their door. When it opens, Eliott and Lucas are both sitting innocently on their own beds. Eliott has a pillow in his lap to hide the stains but Lucas’s sweatpants are black so he’s not worried.

Madame Dubois pokes her head in and smiles at them.

“How you doing, boys?” she asks cheerfully.

Both Eliott and Lucas nod at her.

“We’re fine.” Lucas says, and he sounds fine, but Eliott can see the blush rising in his cheeks.

“Okay, then. Group in five!” the counselor says lightly and disappears from the doorway, leaving it open a crack.

Lucas lets out a nervous chuckle, rubs his hand over his face. “Fuck. We have to be careful. We need to clean up.”  Eliott agrees but when Lucas stands to head to the bathroom, Eliott grabs his hand, stopping him.

“Just one more…” he says, pulling Lucas down and puckering his lips. Lucas laughs lightly and kisses him.

That’s it, Eliott thinks. There’s no going back now. His heart is gone. It no longer belongs to him. It’s now tucked inside a short, angry boy with the most beautiful eyes Eliott’s ever seen.


	4. Chapter 4

Eliott’s been through hard times before. Plenty of them. But nothing compares to having to pretend everyday that he and Lucas are nothing more than friends.

In their room, when they’re alone, they’re free. Free to show affection, to touch as much as they want. But outside their room, someone’s always watching. There’s no touching then. No affection. No *heart eyes* across the room. Which is actually the hardest part for Eliott. He can handle not touching but it’s practically impossible for him not to look at Lucas like he hung the moon and the stars. So, yeah. It’s a problem.

At night, Eliott and Lucas spend what time they have together breathing each other's air, pressed as close as they can get, touching every inch they can reach. Over their clothes and under them, Lucas holds Eliott down and uses his fingers and mouth to pull stifled moans from Eliott’s lips.

Lucas kisses Eliott like he’s starving for it and Eliott gives Lucas everything he has, kisses him back like it’s their last moments on earth. It’s intense, overwhelming, and Eliott’s never felt anything like it before.

He tells Lucas as much. They’re in the bathroom, just finished brushing their teeth. Lucas smiles at Eliott in the mirror and Eliott can’t resist. He spins Lucas around, pushes him back against the sink, presses a chaste kiss to his lips. Lucas holds Eliott by the hips, pushes his hands up under the hem of his t-shirt, cool hands on Eliott’s warm skin. Eliott smiles down at him. They only have a minute before they have to go to breakfast and Eliott wants to use that minute to admire the beautiful boy in front of him. Brushing a wisp of hair out of Lucas’s eyes, Eliott takes him in, his eyelashes, his nose, the soft curve of his lips. The scrutiny makes Lucas blush and look away but Eliott touches his chin to pull his face back. Their eyes meet.

“I’ve never felt like this before,” Eliott admits. “Not with anyone.”

Lucas gazes up at him, eyebrows furrowing. With a small shake of his head he says, “Me either.”

Their foreheads touch and Eliott lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

 

~~~~

 

Out of all the various therapy groups, the only one that Eliott even remotely enjoys is art therapy. He’s enjoyed drawing since he was little and he kinda likes some of the exercises the counselor has them doing, things like paint your feelings or draw your favorite childhood memory.

He’s not sure how he feels about today’s exercise though. Today they’re supposed to draw a nightmare they’ve had recently and Eliott’s only had one. The same one he's been having at least 2 or 3 times a week for the last four months.

The group spends the next half hour drawing, and when Eliott is finished, he folds the paper closed and sits it on the table in front of him. When their counselor, Monsieur Banet, asks who would like to share their drawing with the group, Eliott and Lucas spend the next half hour listening to Manon describe her nightmare about falling off a cliff, Daphne describing one she had about zombies, and then discussing any possible “deeper meaning” the dreams could have.

When their break after lunch finally comes, two and a half hours later, Lucas and Eliott meet in their room.

“Do you want to see what I drew?” Lucas asks.

Eliott nods. Lucas joins him on his bed and hands Eliott his drawing. It’s not very good but Eliott can make out a bedroom with a bed. There are spiders everywhere in the drawing. On the floor, on the bed, everywhere.

“I hate spiders.” Lucas says. “And I keep having this dream where I wake up in bed covered in them. They’re all over me. All over the walls, the ceiling, dropping down on me. It’s horrible. I wake up for real and I still think they’re on me. Scares me to death.”

He doesn’t ask to see Eliott’s drawing and for a moment, Eliott wants to hold back, just change the subject, but this is _Lucas_. Lucas doesn’t judge. He listens and cares. He shares his own pain and fears with Eliott so Eliott knows he can trust Lucas with this part of himself.

He hands Lucas his drawing and watches silently as the other boy studies it. In the middle of the page, standing all alone, is a raccoon. There is black all around him. The raccoon’s arms are stretched out wide as thick black lines curl around him, around his body, his arms, his throat. The raccoon’s eyes are wide and his mouth is open in what looks like a silent scream.

Lucas is quiet for a moment before he says in a low voice, “This is your nightmare.”

Eliott nods.

“Why a raccoon?”

“It’s me. It’s my spirit animal.”

Lucas nods his head like he understands so Eliott continues.  

“I’m always alone and it’s so cold, like I’m standing inside a freezer. And the black--the darkness--is all around me. I try to run but it’s everywhere, grabbing me, choking me. I scream for help but there’s never anyone there. I’m all alone.”

Lucas wraps his arm around Eliott’s shoulders, pulls him hard against his side, and presses his forehead to the side of Eliott’s head.

“You’re not alone anymore, remember? I’m here.”

Eliott nods. He wants to believe Lucas, he really does. But he can’t escape the nagging thought that one day, Lucas will see. He’ll see the real darkness inside him and he’ll leave. Just like everyone else. Until that moment comes, Eliott would rather not think about it.

 

After that, he starts drawing more often. Every night he draws a memory from his childhood and he and Lucas spend the night talking about it, with Lucas sharing his own as well.

At first, Eliott doesn’t want to keep his drawings but Lucas won’t let him throw them out, telling Eliott he wants to keep them for himself, squirreling away the growing pile of pictures in the top drawer of his dresser.

 

One morning, Lucas wakes up to a new drawing waiting for him on the nightstand by his bed. It’s a picture of a raccoon and a hedgehog standing under a bridge.

“What’s this?” he asks Eliott.

Eliott smiles. “That’s you and me.”

“I’m a hedgehog?” Lucas laughs.

“Yup.” Eliott says, reaching up to tug on a few unruly strands of Lucas’s hair.

“Where are we?”

“That’s Le Petit Ceinture, in Paris. My favorite place in the city. I’m going to take you there one day.”

Lucas smiles down at the drawing.

“I’d like that.”

 

After that, Eliott draws a raccoon and a hedgehog everyday. In every drawing, they’re doing something Eliott wants them to do when they get out.

A raccoon and a hedgehog in a cafe...

“It’s right down the street from my apartment. They have the best coffee in the world.”

A raccoon and hedgehog at the Eiffel tower...

“We’re going to do all that corny stuff the tourists do.”

A raccoon and a hedgehog on a beach...

Kissing in the rain...

Sharing a double bed...

Dancing to music...

Lucas promises Eliott they’ll do it all.

 

~~~~

 

They’re just coming back from dinner one night when an aide stops Eliott in the hall outside their room to tell him he has a phone call.

Eliott is surprised. He looks at Lucas. “Who would be calling me _here_?”

Lucas shrugs. “Maybe it’s your parents.”

The thought of talking to his parents makes Eliott’s chest hurt. He’s tempted to tell the aide he doesn’t want to speak to anyone but now he’s too curious. He needs to know who it is.

The phone is at the far end of the hall, across from the quiet room. It’s attached to the wall along with a small bench to sit on. Eliott takes a seat and picks up the receiver.

He hesitates before saying, “Hello?”

 

~~~~

 

When he gets back to their room Lucas is lying down on his bed. When Eliott walks in, he props himself up on his elbows and asks, “Who was it?”

Eliott lets out a heavy sigh and crawls onto the bed next to him, stretching his long body out alongside the smaller boy. Lucas wraps his arm around Eliott’s shoulders as Eliott lies down with his cheek against Lucas’s chest.

“My aunt,” Eliott breathes out and closes his eyes.

Lucas combs his fingers through Eliott’s hair. “What did she say?”

With eyes still closed, Eliott answers, “That she would have called before but she just found out what happened.”

Both boys are quiet for a while. The only sound their breathing while Lucas pets Eliott’s hair, fingers scratching lightly on the back of his head.

Finally the other boy hesitantly asks, “Why don’t your parents visit you?”

Eliott slides his hand across Lucas’s stomach, settles it on his hip.

“I don’t know,” he breathes out. “Ashamed, maybe. Of what happened. Of what I did.”

“With the car?”

‘Maybe. And before.”

“What happened before?”

Eliott slips his hand under Lucas’s t-shirt, fingers dancing across his flat stomach, up and up until he can feel the beat of Lucas’s heart under the palm of his hand. Eliott concentrates on the steady _thump thump thump_ , uses it to center himself, to calm the furious beat of his own racing heart.

The words are heavy on his tongue but he forces them out anyways. “I’m Bipolar.” He takes a deep breath. Let’s it out. “I had...an episode. A manic episode. It wasn’t my first but it was the worst.”

Lucas’s hand drops to Eliott’s back, a gentle pressure, up and down...soothing, and asks, “What happened?”

There are tears in the back of Eliott’s throat. He swallows them down. Lucas deserves to know. It’s who Eliott is. It’s why he’s here. There’s no avoiding it forever.

“I sort of thought people were following me,” he says, voice cracking in a way it hasn’t since he hit puberty. He clears his throat. “So I ran. I hadn’t slept in days and I thought people were chasing me. I broke into someone’s house to hide. They say I rearranged the furniture, blocked the doors. I don’t remember that. The police came. I guess I tried to fight them off when they tried to arrest me. I don’t remember that either.”

With that, the words and tears that he’s been holding back for weeks all come pouring out. It’s like an avalanche of words and emotions and all Eliott can do now is hope it’s not too much.

“When I came down I was in the hospital. I don’t remember much of that. They gave me these drugs that knocked me out. But I remember my parents. They were furious. Kept going on about how they couldn’t believe I would embarrass them like that, by getting arrested. I guess at some point the doctors diagnosed me Bipolar and my lawyer used my diagnosis to get me a deal. So I could come here instead of going to jail.

I didn’t want to go to jail but I didn’t want to be locked up in here either. And I was so tired. So fucking tired of everything. My friends are scared of me. They haven’t spoken to me in months. My parents,” Eliott chokes on a sob and Lucas squeezes both his arms around him, pulling Eliott tight against his chest. His shirt is wet from Eliott’s tears but Eliott can’t help it. He can’t hold it back anymore. “My parents hate me. I had nobody. I just wanted to...I just wanted to...I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

Lucas tugs on Eliott until he’s laying practically on top of him, face pressed against Lucas’s throat as he lets it all out.

Holding Eliott tight against him, Lucas kisses Eliott’s forehead, the side of his face. “Shhh… it’s okay.” he says and kisses him again.

Eliott can’t help it. “Please don’t hate me,” he cries.

Lucas makes a pained noise and adjusts his hold on Eliott, tugging him up closer to his face before tightening his arms around him and kissing him again. 

“Oh God,” he says, voice rough with emotion. “I could never hate you.”

Lucas sounds so sure and this time, Eliott lets himself believe it. He let’s the knowledge comfort him and gradually, his heartbeat begins to slow. He pulls his hand out from under Lucas’s shirt and reaches for his face, surprised to find the other boy’s cheeks wet with tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little shorter than usual because I had some trouble writing this past week but I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for too long. Much more coming soon so prepare yourself for some angst. But don't worry, it's a happy ending. :-)
> 
> Oh, I also changed the title "orderly" to "aide" because apparently orderly is an outdated term which probably shows my age. LOL


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex, sex, and more sex!

Eliott wakes up gradually to the sound of the birds chirping annoyingly outside their window. Lucas is a heavy weight against his side and his hair is in Eliott’s face. Eliott brushes the hair away and looks around the room. The sun is just coming up and the clock on the dresser reads 6:24 am.

Wait a minute. The last thing Eliott remembers is falling asleep with Lucas’s arms around him, in Lucas’s bed, exhausted after finally telling the other boy about his manic episode. 

Shit. 

He shakes Lucas abruptly but when Lucas opens his eyes and looks up at him all he says is, “Good morning,” before yawning and stretching. 

“Good morning?” Eliott asks incredulously. “What happened? Did the aides not check on us last night? How am I still in your bed?”

Lucas smiles. “It’s okay. Cherie came in and saw us but she didn’t care. She told me not to wake you.”

Eliott gapes at him. “She let me sleep with you all night?”

Lucas nods and crawls over Eliott’s legs. “She said it was fine,” he says on the way to the bathroom.

Eliott can’t believe it. “That’s so weird. Why would she do that?”

“I don’t know.” Lucas calls from the bathroom. Eliott can hear him relieving himself. 

When he comes back, Eliott asks, “Do you think she’ll report us?”

“I don’t think so. She really didn’t seem to care.”

Lucas seems unruffled by the event but Eliott can’t stop worrying about it. For the next three days he keeps expecting someone to approach either him or Lucas and announce that one of them has to switch rooms. But thankfully, no one does. 

Things are good with Lucas. Eliott was worried, he can’t help it. Deep down, he knew that Lucas wouldn’t judge him for what he’d done, for being sick. But he couldn’t escape the lingering fear that Lucas would look at him differently after finding out. That it might turn him off in a way. 

But it’s actually quite the opposite. Lucas seems almost _more_ affectionate. He keeps stopping Eliott at random moments just to hug him. It’s sweet and Eliott cherishes every one. It’s almost like Lucas can sense when Eliott is feeling anxious and starting to worry, and whenever he does, he just grabs Eliott and hugs him. Refusing to let go until Eliott relaxes and hugs him back. 

 

~~~~

 

Days go by and Eliott can’t sleep again. His mind won’t stop racing. He can’t stop thinking about his parents...about how he ended up here...and of course, about Lucas, and everything they’re going to do when they get out. They only have two more weeks before their scheduled discharge date and Eliott can’t wait to finally be alone with him. Truly alone. Without the constant worry of getting caught. 

He really wants to be able to share a bed again. He loved waking up with Lucas in his arms that one time and if everything works out the way he hopes it will, he’ll get to have that every morning. He can’t wait to be able to touch Lucas whenever he wants, without the fear of consequences hanging over them. He wants to do everything with Lucas. He wants to taste him in his mouth, feel himself inside him. Eliott wants it all. Anything and everything Lucas is willing to give him. 

So far, in here, they’ve been too scared to try anything more than quick handjobs. But now Eliott can’t stop thinking about it, about how Lucas might taste in his mouth. He’s getting hard just thinking about it.

He rolls over and props himself up on his elbows to look at Lucas. They’ve gotten so used to the hourly checks that they barely notice them anymore and Lucas slept soundly through the last one. He’s lying on his back, shirtless, wearing only his boxers. Eliott watches the slow rise and fall of his chest as he sleeps. He’s so fucking beautful and Eliott is dying to get his hands on him. 

He has to wait until the next bed check at 3:00 before he can do anything though, if he wants to give them as much time as he can. 

He waits impatiently, foot twitching against the bed hard enough to shake the entire thing. When the aide opens the door again, shining a flashlight into their room and onto their beds, Eliott pretends to be asleep. But as soon as the aide is gone, he’s slipping out of his bed and over to Lucas’s, crawling onto the bed and strattling the other boy’s legs. Lucas murmurs at the shake of the bed but he doesn’t wake up. 

Propping himself up on his elbows, Eliott presses a wet kiss to Lucas’s stomach before slowly peppering kisses up and across Lucas’s chest until he reaches his neck. 

He knows Lucas is awake when his hand lands in Eliott’s hair and he laughs lightly, whispering, “Eliott, what are you doing?”

Instead of answering, Eliott kisses him. He settles himself between Lucas’s legs, presses as close as he can get, and kisses Lucas like his life depends on it. And tonight, for some reason, it feels like it really does. Like he’ll die if he doesn’t get close enough. With one hand in Lucas’s hair, the other on his jaw, Eliott pours his soul into the kiss, hoping that Lucas can feel, somehow, simply through the press of his lips, how much he means to him. 

Lucas wraps his arms around Eliott’s neck and kisses him back with equal fervor. They make out like that, hands everywhere, until they’re both panting and Lucas is raising his hips to rub against Eliott’s stomach. 

Eliott is so hard it’s almost painful, but he wants to take care of Lucas first. Wants to make sure Lucas feel good before taking anything for himself. 

He pulls back and slides down the bed, lowering his head to press a trail of kisses down Lucas’s chest, over his ribcage, down his stomach. When he gets to Lucas’s underwear, Eliott slips his fingers under the edge of them, looks up at Lucas and whispers, “Can I?”

When Lucas nods his head Eliott wastes no time pulling his boxers down, freeing his erection. When his breath ghosts over Lucas’s cock, Lucas’s hands come up to tangle in Eliott’s hair and he lets out a soft, “You don’t have to.” 

Eliott responds by darting his tongue out to lick at the head of Lucas’s cock.

Lucas sucks in a sharp breath, thighs tensing, and Eliott runs his hands over them, soothing. 

They don’t have time for teasing, so Eliott just goes for it, taking Lucas’s cock in his mouth and starting to suck. Lucas gasps and practically comes off the bed but Eliott holds him down by the hips and keeps going. Cheeks hollowing out, he bobs his head until he finds a good rhythm that has Lucas’s legs shaking.  Lucas throws his arm up to cover his face, trying to muffle the sounds he can’t seem to stop making. 

Eliott pulls off to suck in a harsh breath. He taps at Lucas’s thigh, urging him to open his legs wider. Lucas does, and his knee hits the wall by the bed. 

Eliott shuffles a little bit further down the bed and when he goes back down, he strokes Lucas’s balls with his free hand before slowly moving his fingers further back, to the sensitive skin just beyond them. With one finger, Eliott rubs carefully over Lucas’s hole. Lucas shudders at the touch and opens his legs a little further, giving Eliott more room. 

Lucas is so fucking gorgeous like this. Face flushed, head thrown back as he bites his lip, hands fisting the sheets.

It doesn’t take more than a minute of Eliott’s mouth on his cock, fingers massaging his hole, before Lucas is grabbing at Eliott’s shoulder and hissing, “Shit, I’m going to come. Pull off.” 

Eliott lets out a little grunt and anchors himself more firmly on Lucas’s hip. That’s all it takes. Lucas is done. He gasps, tips his head back, and comes into Eliott’s waiting mouth, letting out a tiny whimper as Eliott swallows. 

Lucas is panting for breath, muttering “Holy shit,” as he comes down. He reaches for Eliott but Eliott has other ideas. 

He motions for Lucas to flip over onto his stomach and when he does, Eliott skims his hands over Lucas’s ass. When Lucas looks back at him over his shoulder, eyes questioning, Eliott reassures him.

“It’s okay,” he says, voice low as he pushes his own underwear down. “I just wanna…” He spits into his hand, using the spit and precome to wet his cock as much as he can before he lowers himself down to lie on top of Lucas, blanketing the smaller boy’s body with his own. He kisses Lucas’s shoulder, the back of his neck, and slides his cock in between Lucas’s thighs. He gives an experimental thrust, looking for the best angle. The heat of Lucas’s body around his cock is too much though and Eliott’s not going to last long. 

“Fuck…I want to be inside you so bad.” Eliott moans, face pressed into Lucas’s shoulder. 

Lucas grabs Eliott’s hand, threading their fingers together, and breathes out, “Soon.” 

The whole thing is too much and Eliott’s so turned on that all it takes is a few thrusts into the warm heat between Lucas’s thighs before he’s losing it. Pulling out quickly, Eliott slides his cock over the crease of Lucas’s ass and comes, hot and hard over Lucas’s back, rocking his hips as he rides out his orgasm. 

“Jesus, fuck…” Eliott groans, face buried in Lucas’s soft hair. 

Lucas squeezes his hand and sighs, “Uh huh.”

Eliott wraps his arms around Lucas’s shoulders and kisses every inch of his face that he can reach before finally rolling off and kicking his underwear off completely. He wipes the come off Lucas’s back with his underwear and throws the soiled shorts onto the floor between their beds. 

He looks at the clock on top of the dresser. They have about 15 minutes before the next bed check so Eliott lies back down next to Lucas and murmurs, “Come here,” as he tugs on Lucas’s arm. 

Lucas rolls into his arms and Eliott kisses him properly again. Lucas sighs into the kiss and wraps his arm around Eliott’s waist. 

“That was...a surprise.” Lucas says, chuckling lightly. 

Eliott hums and kisses him again. “I couldn’t sleep and you looked so hot laying there. I couldn’t help myself.”

Lucas laughs. “I wish you had trouble sleeping more often.”

 

~~~~

 

There’s something wrong with him. 

Eliott can’t stop thinking about last night. And everytime he looks at Lucas the whole experience, how good Lucas tasted, how he felt under his hands, how hard Eliott came, everything, flashes through his mind and all the blood in his head immediately rushes south and honestly, it’s getting a little ridiculous. 

Eliott and Lucas have barely had a moment together all day. Even during their breaks, when they would normally meet in their room to make out, something always seemed to come up, keeping them away. 

Now they’re in the gym and they’re supposed to be playing basketball except no one really knows how to play and in the end they all just end up looking silly, chasing each other around the court. 

Charles is being an asshole, as usual, teasing Lucas about being too short and Eliott can tell it’s taking every ounce of Lucas’s self-control not to deck the guy. 

Lucas is standing there looking really hot, in more ways than one. He’s flushed and sweating and Eliott thinks he looks sexy as fuck like that. He watches as Lucas bends over slightly, holding himself up with his hands on his knees and his ass in those sweat pants is just…. _Oh fuck_ ... _No_. Not now. Eliott can not be getting hard again now! Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him?

He has to do something. He’s wearing sweatpants today instead of jeans so he really needs to calm down or it’ll be obvious to everyone pretty quickly what’s wrong with him. So Eliott does the only thing he can think to do: he tells the counselor he has to go to the bathroom. 

 

Now he only has to get through two hours of school work and dinner before he can be alone with Lucas again. It feels like forever though and during their school session, Eliott’s leg starts twitching so much it hits the edge of his desk over and over again making a knocking noise that earns him a few irritated looks from the others.

They’re in line for dinner when Lucas asks, “Are you okay?”

Eliott’s practically bouncing on his feet.  He smiles and says, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just hungry.” 

During dinner, he’s telling Lucas about the time he fell off his dad’s boat when he notices a strange look on the other boy’s face. It looks like a mixture between worry and confusion. 

“What?” he asks, but Lucas just shakes his head, motioning for Eliott to keep talking. 

When they finally get back to the ward after dinner Eliott’s about ten seconds away from grabbing Lucas and dragging him up the stairs to their room when Monsieur Banet stops the group just inside the doors and asks all of them to follow him to the day room. 

“I know you’re probably looking forward to your free time,” he says. “but first, we have a little surprise. 

It’s irritating but Eliott and Lucas have no choice but to go. 

Waiting for everyone in the day room is a table with a punch bowl on it and sitting next to the bowl, a cake with candles. There are pink and orange streamers hanging around the room along with pink and orange balloons. 

“Happy Birthday, Emma!” Madame Dubois says excitedly. Standing next to her are the aides working the nighttime shift. “I told you we wanted to do something for you.”

Emma just stands there looking stunned while the other girls hug her and wish her a happy birthday. 

“Come on in, everyone.” Madame Dubois goes on. “Have some punch. We’ll light the candles and Emma can make a wish. Then we’ll all have some cake.”

Eliott’s anxious to get out of there and from the look Lucas gives him, he feels the same way, but it’s pretty clear to everyone that leaving the party before it’s over is not an option. 

Emma blows out her candles, face red with embarrassment as the rest of the group sings her happy birthday. All of the kids are encouraged to eat, and Monsieur Banet turns on an old stereo system with a CD player, and pretty soon the sounds of Katy Perry’s _Roar_ fill the room. 

Eliott leans against the wall by the door, taps his foot anxiously on the floor, and nibbles on a piece of cake. But it’s not the cake he’s hungry for. He watches silently as Lucas makes his way across the room for another cup of punch, watches as he’s stopped on the way back by Madame Dubois. He watches as the two of them talk while Lucas sips on his punch. He watches Lucas lick his lips. The punch stained his mouth red and his lips look….

UGH, fuck it. Eliott has to get out of here. 

Without a word, he spins around and slips out the door, heading straight for the stairs. 

Back in the privacy of his own bathroom, Eliott uses the toilet before stopping at the sink to wash his hands and splash water on his face. Taking a deep breath, he looks at himself in the mirror. 

Lucas told him once that he thinks he’s beautiful, but when Eliott looks at his own reflection, he just doesn’t see it. His eyes are too small, his nose too big. And his teeth...his teeth are just weird. 

He really doesn’t know what Lucas sees in him, but thank God he sees something. The only time Eliott feels beautiful, is when Lucas is looking at him. When he looks in Lucas’s eyes, Eliott sees all of his own feelings reflected back at him. He sees affection...adoration...lust...and even pride. Eliott loves it, it makes him feel all warm inside, but at the same time, it scares him. He’s terrified that one day, when he looks in Lucas’s eyes he won’t find affection or adoration, only fear, or disgust. 

The thought of it scares Eliott to death and he’s afraid it’s only a matter of time.

 

 

Eliott dries his hands on a towel and steps out of the bathroom right as the bedroom door is opening up. 

He expects to see Lucas. Instead, he’s shocked to find Chloe slipping quietly into the room. She shuts the door behind her and smiles at him. 

Eliott starts to ask “What are you doing here?” but before he can get all the words out, Chloe crosses the few feet between them and tries to kiss him. 

Eliott immediately pushes her away and says, “Stop it.”

“Come on, Eliott,” Chloe whines, stepping closer again and taking a hold of Eliott’s hands. “I see the way you look at me,” she says as she leans in, trying to press her lips to Eliott’s throat. 

 _What the fuck?_  

“No…” Eliott says. He pulls his hands out of her grip and takes a hold of her shoulders, pushing her away again. “I don’t look at you in any way, Chloe. You need to leave.”

Chloe pouts but she doesn’t give up. She reaches for Eliott again saying, “It’s okay. Everyone’s busy at the party. We can just…” but she’s interrupted by the bedroom door opening again. 

It’s Lucas.

Thankfully, he doesn’t look surprised to find Chloe in their room. Not that Eliott was really worried but it’s just an awkward situation all around. 

Chloe turns to Lucas, looking annoyed. “Hey Lucas,” she says lightly. “Do you think you could give us a minute? We were just…”

“No,” Lucas says, rolling his eyes. 

Chloe actually looks surprised. “Seriously?” she snaps, looking from Lucas to Eliott. Eliott just gapes at her and Lucas opens the door wider, motioning for her to leave. 

Chloe turns on Lucas. “Why can’t you just go back to the party, Lucas? Give us some alone time?” she says, one hand reaching for Eliott again. Eliott steps back out of her reach.

“Because I’m not leaving you alone with my boyfriend.”

Chloe freezes, looks back and forth between Eliott and Lucas, and says, “What?”

“You heard me.” Lucas replies, motioning again for her to leave.

Chloe slowly walks toward the door, a look of shock on her face. Once she’s out of the room, Lucas closes the door behind her without a word and turns back to Eliott with a sly grin on his face.

Eliott stares at him, a smile slowly forming on his face as Lucas steps closer. 

“I’m your boyfriend, am I?” he asks playfully. 

“Damned right you are,” Lucas says, quickly closing the distance between them.

Their lips meet as they crash together. With his hands on either side of Lucas’s face, Eliott finally kisses Lucas the way he’s been wanting to all day. Deep, searching kisses that take Lucas’s breath away. 

They have to separate to catch their breath and Lucas winds his fingers through Eliott’s hair, breathing into his mouth, “You drive me crazy, you know? The way you look at me.”

Eliott kisses him again, wrapping his arm around Lucas’s neck, he pulls Lucas closer, until they’re pressed together from shoulder to hip. Lucas’s arms wrap tight around Eliott’s waist as the heat builds between them. 

When Lucas starts trying to push Eliott backwards, toward the bed, Eliott reminds him, “Someone could still come in at any minute. Let’s go in the bathroom.”

Lucas agrees and both boys head for the bathroom. Once they’re inside with the door closed, Eliott quickly turns on the shower before backing Lucas up against the door and picking up where they left off. 

They’re shirts come off, then their pants, and they’re kissing deeply as Lucas pushes Eliott back..murmuring, “My turn,” as he presses Eliott up against the sink. 

Eliott runs his fingers through Lucas’s thick hair as Lucas presses sucking kisses down his chest and abs. When he gets to the waistband of Eliott’s shorts, Eliott shoves them down himself, making Lucas smile as he takes him in his hand and presses another kiss to Eliott’s hip. 

Lucas looks up at Eliott, wraps his lips around the head of his cock, and starts to suck, punching the breath right out of Eliot’s lungs.

Eliott gently strokes Lucas’s cheek, brushes his hair out of his face. When Lucas starts to stroke Eliott’s balls with his free hand, Eliott gasps hard and tips his head back, hand resting in Lucas’s hair. 

Lucas quickly finds a good rhythm, using his lips and tongue and fingers until Eliott’s legs are shaking and he feels like he can barely stand up. Lucas’s lips are still red from the punch and his hair is a mess from the way Eliott's been gripping it with his fingers, but Eliott doesn’t think he’s ever seen Lucas look sexier.

Lucas moans around Eliott’s cock and Eliott sucks in another harsh breath at the sensation. When he looks down he sees Lucas has started using his free hand to fist his own cock and Eliott has to hold back a groan at the sight. 

It only takes a few more strokes after that before Eliott gasps out, “Gonna come,” and pushes lightly on Lucas’s shoulder. 

But Lucas doesn’t pull off, he just grabs a hold of Eliott’s hips and hangs on until Eliott can’t hold off anymore and arches forward, coming hard into Lucas’s mouth as his body trembles through the aftermath.

The muscles in Eliott’s legs are about to give out and he leans down on Lucas for support. Lucas pulls off and presses his forehead against Eliott’s hip as he works himself through his own orgasm, coming into his own fist.   

They’re both breathing heavy, taking a moment to calm their racing hearts when suddenly, there’s a sharp knock on the door. Thank God they had a plan for this.

The boys spring apart and Eliott hastily steps out of his underwear as Lucas pulls his up and says loudly, “Yeah?” 

It’s Monsieur Banet. “Are you two okay?” the counselor asks through the door. 

Eliott slips into the shower and pulls the curtain closed as quietly as he can. 

Putting his clothes back on as quickly as he can, Lucas says, “Yeah. I’m just going to the bathroom.” 

Not even 15 seconds later, Lucas flushes the toilet, making Eliott yell out at the abrupt change in water temperature, and opens the bathroom door. 

Monsieur Banet is standing on the other side and Lucas comments casually as he steps out of the bathroom. “Eliott’s in the shower.” 

Monsieur Banet nods his head in understanding as Lucas closes the bathroom door behind him.

Eliott holds his breath, waiting for some kind of sign that their ruse didn’t work. When he hears nothing he lets out a sigh of relief.

That was close.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG you guys, this chapter was so hard to write and I am still not happy with it. But you guys have waited long enough so here it is. Thank you for your patience. The writer's block was bad for this one. The words just wouldn't flow like they usually do. Hopefully, you'll still enjoy it. And let me know what you think. 
> 
> And if your on Tumblr, you can follow me there too @Mystic-reader. I post there a lot about how the writing is going. So drop by and say hi!

Eliott pounces onto Lucas’s bed the moment their alarm goes off. Lucas lets out a surprised, “Oooof,” when Eliott lands on top of him.

“Only twelve more days, Lucas!” Eliott says and Lucas laughs, shoving at him when Eliott tries to tickle him. 

“Did you sleep at all?” he asks as Eliott holds him down and kisses him all over. 

“I don’t know how _you_ can sleep at all. Aren’t you excited? Twelve more days and we’re getting out of here!” 

“Yeah, I’m excited,” Lucas says, wiggling until Eliott finally lets him up. He stands next to the bed and stretches his arms out, cracking his back. “I just…” He fidgets a little, looking down at the floor. “I haven’t heard from my dad. I don’t even know if I have a place to go when I get out.”

“Of course you have a place to go,” Eliott says, rising off the bed to stand in front of him. “You have my place. You can stay with me.”

Lucas looks skeptical. “You and me, living with your parents?” He shakes his head. “How’s that supposed to work?”

Eliott grins. “No. I have my own apartment. We were supposed to move to Versailles after my BAC but I missed it and had to do my 3rd year over again. Mom and dad didn’t want to wait for me so they set me up with my own place. It’s tiny but it’s all mine. You can stay there with me.”

Lucas still looks skeptical. “Are you sure? I mean, it must be nice having a place to yourself. Are you sure you want to give that up?”

“Actually,” Eliott says, sidling over to Lucas and resting his arms over the smaller boy’s shoulders. “I’ve found I kind of like having a roommate. If it’s you.”

Eliott kisses him. Lucas smiles into the kiss. 

“So,” Eliott asks, as he peppers kisses over the rest of Lucas’s face. “Will you stay with me? Even if your dad says you can go home. I want you with me.”

Lucas wraps his arms around Eliott’s waist and smiles beautifully up at him. 

“Yes.”

 

~~~~

 

Dr. Lanier is looking at him funny and Eliott has no idea why. He was just telling the doctor about...about...well, honestly, he can’t remember what he was talking about, but whatever it was, he’s sure he didn’t say anything to make the doctor look at him like _that_. 

Irritated, Eliott asks, “What?”

“Do you hear yourself, Eliott?” Lanier says, which just irritates Eliott even more. 

“What do you mean? Of course I hear myself.” Eliott snaps.

“I asked you if you were sleeping at night and you just told me about the bright light outside your apartment window and about your breakfast this morning. And then you started talking about gay rights and Donald Trump and how you’re running out of drawing paper. But you never answered my question.”

Eliott taps his foot on the floor. “Well, I’m sleeping fine.” He stops, reconsiders. “Okay, maybe I’m having a little trouble sleeping.”

Lanier nods his head and shuffles his chair closer to his desk. Leaning forward a little, he says, “Alright Eliott, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to increase your medication to 400 mg a day, instead of 200.”

“What? Why?”

“I believe you’re having a hypomanic episode. And I think it’s been coming on for a while now.”

“Hypomanic? What’s that?”

Lanier opens one of his desk drawers and rifles through it. “It’s a symptom of Bipolar Disorder that affects your thoughts and behavior.” He pulls a pamphlet out of his desk and hands it to Eliott. “Take a look at that.”

Eliott opens the pamphlet and reads:

_A hypomanic episode commonly manifests with unusual gaiety, excitement, flamboyance, or irritability, along with potential secondary characteristics like restlessness, extreme talkativeness, increased distractibility, reduced need for sleep, and intense focus on a single activity._

There’s a list of other symptoms: 

_Hypersexuality; an extreme or sudden increase in labido; a preocupation with sex or sexual fantasy._

_Unusual irritability, excitement, hostility, or aggression._

_Talking so fast it’s difficult for others to follow what’s being said._

_Jumping from one subject to an unrelated subject while speaking._

_Taking chances you normally wouldn’t because you’re “feeling lucky.”_

“Okay.” Eliott says. “I’m not sleeping but I don’t see how I’m doing any of these other things.”

“You may not notice it, Eliott, but others have. Myself, and your counselors. You’re hyper...distracted...talking fast. Jumping from one topic to another.”

Eliott really wants to argue; He just doesn’t see it. But he also knows that what he thinks doesn’t matter much in this case, so when Lanier tells him that increasing his meds a little should help, Eliott doesn’t fight him. 

“And while I have you here,” the doctor goes on. “I’d like to talk about you and Lucas.” 

Eliott doesn’t like the sound of that. He straightens up in his seat and asks lightly, nonchalant, “What about me and Lucas? We’re friends.”

Lanier leans back in his seat and gives Eliott a sharp look. “Are the two of you having sex?”

Eliott’s heart drops to his stomach. “What?” he crokes out, wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt to hide the sudden tremor in his limbs. Trying his best to sound offended at the idea, he snaps, “No! I told you, we’re just friends. Just good friends.”

Lanier sighs heavily and looks down at the papers on his desk, like he needs to take a moment to consider his next words. 

Finally, he says, “Okay. Listen to me Eliott. You’re here so that you can work on yourself. So you can feel better. Lucas has his own problems that he needs to work on too. And I’m afraid that the two of you are too wrapped up in each other when you should be focusing on taking care of yourself.  

“But we’re not…” Eliott stutters. “We’re not...Lucas helps me. We help each other.”

“I’m sure you do. But Lucas isn’t always going to be there. You’re going to be leaving in a few weeks and…”

“But Lucas is going to live with me.” Eliott interrupts. “When we get out. He’s going to stay with me. At my place. Even if his dad is willing to let him go home, he’s still going to stay with me. We’re staying together.”

Lanier frowns. Eliott doesn’t like that. This is a good thing. 

“It’ll be fine.” Eliott assures the doctor. “Lucas and I are great. Everything will be fine.”

 

~~~~

 

When Eliott gets back to the ward he’s surprised to find Lucas alone in the music room instead of their bedroom. It’s a small room with a bunch of chairs and a few musical instruments scattered about. A couple guitars...a piano...a banjo and a triangle. It’s not the most popular group. They don’t usually spend time in there. He and Lucas have always chosen art over music therapy, but when he opens the door, there’s Lucas, sitting at the piano with his back to him.

“What are you doing?” Eliott asks softly, trying not to startle him. 

Lucas turns around and gives him a small smile. “Just thinking.”

“About what?” 

“About my mom. Before she got sick, she loved to play the piano. She used to write her own music.” He smiles at the memory. “She taught me and we used to play together for her friends. But that was years ago, before...” He looks sadly down at the piano, tapping on a few random keys. “Before she got sick.”

Eliott knows how much it hurts Lucas that his mother needed to be committed to a facility not that much different from the one they’re in right now. Except while Eliott and Lucas can get out in ten or eleven weeks, Lucas’s mother's schizophrenia is severe and she won't be getting out of the hospital anytime soon. Eliott knows how much this kills Lucas on the inside. He can feel his pain every time he talks about her. 

He sees that pain right now in Lucas’s eyes, so, in an effort to change the subject, Eliott takes a seat in one of the folding chairs behind him and says, “Play something for me.”

Lucas looks back at him, surprised. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Eliott replies. “Please?”

The pain in Lucas’s eyes disappears as he smiles softly at Eliott before nodding his head and turning back to the piano. He takes a moment to think. When he settles on a song, his mouth curves up in a small smile and his back straightens slightly as his fingers begin their dance over the keys. Music fills the room, so intricate and beautiful it takes Eliott’s breath away.

Eliott watches, amazed. Lucas’s hands move over the keys so effortlessly that Eliott would never have guessed that he hadn’t played in years. And there’s so much emotion behind every note. Eliott can feel it all. With every note, his heart swells in his chest. It’s overwhelming. It feels like Lucas’s soul laid bare in front of him through music. 

When it’s over, as the final notes fade away, Lucas turns to look at him. Unbelievably, he looks almost nervous, while Eliott can only stare at him in awe. He doesn’t know what to say, how to express all of the emotions sweeping through his body right now. Words feel inadequate now after that.

He’s kissed Lucas. They’ve had sex, but somehow, Eliott feels like he’s never been closer to Lucas than he is right now, in this moment.  

Eventually he manages, “That was amazing. _You’re_ amazing.”

Lucas blushes lightly, the tips of his ears going pink. His smile is small but proud. 

“What was that called?” Eliott asks.

Lucas looks away, like he’s embarrassed, cheeks turning red. When his eyes find Eliott’s again, he says, “I love you.” and Eliott’s heart jumps in his chest. “It’s by Riopy.” 

Eliott’s whole body flushes hot. The two boys stare at each other, Eliott’s heart hammering in his chest. There’s so much he wants to say. _You’re so beautiful. I’m so lucky that I found you. I don’t know what I would do without you. You make me feel things I never thought I could feel. I love you so much._ But before he can say anything, the moment is ruined when Ben opens the door and says:

“Eliott, Lucas, I need you to come with me.”

 

~~~~

 

The boys follow the aide without a word, out into the hall and all the way upstairs to their room. The whole way, Eliott can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong and his suspicions are confirmed when they get to their hallway and see two of the aides waiting for them outside their door. 

Eliott’s heart is heavy and his legs feel weak as he walks inside with Lucas right behind him.  Inside their room, Dr. Lanier is waiting. Luckily, the man cuts right to the chase. 

“Lucas, I need you to pack up your things. You and Arthur are switching rooms.”

“What?” Lucas and Eliott both shout at the same time. 

“The two of you are too close. We need to seperate you.”

Anger flares in Eliott’s chest and he spits out, “I told you it wasn’t like that!” 

At the same time Lucas yells, “What the fuck?”

Lanier fists his hands in his pockets. “The two of you need some time apart. Lucas, get your things.”

Lucas shakes his head and swears, “No. Fuck that. I’m not going.”

“Lucas…” Lanier warns him with a sharp look as the two aides step into the room, which only sets Lucas off even more. 

Face going red, he clenches his fists and shouts, “This is so fucking stupid!” 

“Lucas, please don’t make this difficult.”

“Why are you doing this?” Eliott interrupts. “I told you we were fine.”

“Eliott, right now, this relationship isn’t good for either of you.”

“Oh, come on!” Lucas shouts. “Just because we’re close!?”

“I told you we help each other.” Eliott argues as Lucas repeats, “This is so fucking stupid!” 

Lanier narrows his eyes at Lucas. “You have ten minutes to move your things.”

Eliott is angry but Lucas’s whole body is shaking. It looks like he’s about to go for Lanier’s throat but before he gets the chance, Eliott reaches for him. He pulls Lucas closer with his hand around the smaller boy’s arm and tries one more time to reason with Lanier. 

“Seriously, you don’t have to do this. We’re fine. This isn’t necessary.”

Lanier only shakes his head and says, “Ten minutes.” before moving to leave the room. 

Eliott pulls Lucas out of the man’s way as Lucas growls, “Son of a bitch,” as Lanier heads for the door. 

Lucas looks like he’s about to explode. His whole body shaking with repressed rage. Eliott slides his hands up and down Lucas’s arms in a soothing manner and, ignoring the aides who are still in the room watching them, says, “Lucas, look at me.” He takes Lucas’s face in his hands and and turns his head, trying to catch his eyes. Lucas is so wired he actually tries to push Eliott away at first but Eliott hangs onto him and says, “Lucas, look at me. Calm down. 12 days, remember?” 

Lucas finally looks at him.

“12 more days and we’re out of here. Remember?”

Lucas nods his head. “Yeah.” 

He’s calming down but he’s still trembling, eyes darting back to the aides still standing just inside the doorway.

“12 days is no big deal.” Eliott says reassuringly. “It’ll suck but we’ll survive it.” 

In his heart, Eliott doesn’t know if that’s true, but Lucas needs to hear it right now. He needs to calm down or they really won’t survive it. So he says it again. “No big deal.”

Lucas keeps nodding, eyes darting back to the aides one more time before finally settling on Eliott again. 

“Just breathe.” Eliott reminds him gently, pressing their foreheads together while Lucas grabs a hold of his forearms and closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

With Lucas calming down, Eliott’s heartbeat begins to slow. They can do this. He knows they can. Standing up straight, he pushes a strand of Lucas’s hair back and looks down into his eyes. 

“It’s fine,” he says. “It’ll be fine.”

“Yeah. Fine. It’ll be fine.” Lucas says, repeating the words like a mantra.

Eliott sighs, looks over at the aides and says, “It’s fine. Can you give us a minute alone?”

The aide standing to the left side of the door shakes his head. “I’m sorry, no. Lucas, you need to get your things together.”

Lucas looks sadly at the floor. “This sucks.” he mumbles. 

Eliott hugs him, kisses the side of his head, and whispers, “12 days.”

Lucas sighs heavily and nods again before finally pulling away and walking over to the closet to grab his bags.  

 

~~~~

 

Eliott’s first night without Lucas is a lot harder than he thought it would be. He’s gotten so used to the comfort of having Lucas only 5 feet away in his own bed  that his being three rooms away now seems unbearable. No more late night make out sessions. No more falling asleep in each other’s arms. 

The distance between them now feels like an open wound, especially since they don’t get to spend their free time alone together anymore. With Lanier announcing that they couldn’t be left alone together at all, from now on, if they wanted to be together, they had to spend their free time in the day room along with everybody else. 

  
The next morning, at breakfast, Eliott leans into Lucas over their bowls of oatmeal and whispers, “It was Chloe.”

Lucas’s eyes widen. “What?”

“Arthur told me last night. She reported us. She told everyone.”

“That bitch.” Lucas grumbles, eyes darting to Chloe sitting at her table across the room.

 

Eliott makes Lucas promise that he won’t confront the girl but the temptation proves to be too much when he and Eliott are stuck, once again, in the day room during their break. 

They’re sitting on one of the couches when Chloe sneers at them from the pool table across the room and says, “Awww...poor things can’t sneak off to their room to fuck anymore.”

“Chloe,” Madame Dubois warns from one of the tables, but the girl is undeterred. 

“What?” she snaps, leaning on her pool cue. “Am I supposed to feel bad for them? What makes them so special?”

“You’re a fucking bitch.” Lucas snarls at her. 

“Lucas! Watch your language,” the counselor tells him.

“How ‘bout you tell her to shut it,” Lucas counters and Eliott can see the anger rising in him as his face flushes and his fists tighten. 

Chloe laughs and Lucas shoots up off the couch, pointing his finger at her, “You need to start minding your own fucking business.” 

Eliott stands up and grabs for him as Madame Dubois says, “Lucas, I think you should go to your room.” 

Lucas shakes his head. Eliott tightens his grip on his arm and says, pointing at Chloe, “Why don’t you make her leave? We were just sitting here. She started it.” 

The counselor ignores him and says, “Lucas, go to your room please for the rest of the break.”

Lucas growls in frustration and heads for the door. When Eliott tries to follow him the counselor says, “No, Eliott. You stay here.”

Lucas puts his fist through the wall next to the door on the way out.

 

~~~~

 

Eliott still can’t sleep. He can’t stop worrying about Lucas. It’s been four days since they were separated and so far, every day, Lucas has been sent to his room at least once to calm down. He fights with the counselors, he fights with Chloe. They only have nine more days before they’re supposed to get out of here. Hopefully, Lucas can hang on that long. 

Eliott tosses and turns for hours before Arthur finally grumbles from the other bed, “What’s wrong with you? Go to sleep.”

Eliott sighs heavily and sits up. “I can’t,” he says, kicking the sheets off his legs and turning around to lean his back against the wall. “I’m too worried.”

“About what?”

Eliott scrubs his face with his hands and says miserably, “Lucas.”

“You guys get out of here in like, a week, right?” 

“Nine more days. I hope.”

Arthur rolls over onto his side and looks at him. “You don’t think you will?”

Eliott huffs, “I hope so. I’m just worried. We were better when we were together, you know?”

Arthur nods. “So....you guys are really together? Like, together, together? Like Chloe said? 

Eliott just sighs and nods. There’s no point in lying anymore. 

“I just hate seeing him like this,” Eliott complains. “He’s so angry all the time now. And we never get to be alone. There’s always someone watching. Even more than before.” He fists his hands in his hair, slides them roughly down the back of his head and up again. “Seriously, how is keeping us apart helping anything? It’s actually been worse since we’ve been separated, I think. The nurse says my fucking blood pressure is through the roof and Lucas is snapping at everybody. We were doing so much better before.”

Arthur is quiet for a moment, his eyes on the floor, before he looks back up at  Eliott and asks earnestly, “Do you love him?”

Oh. Eliott wasn’t expecting that kind of question. But still, it’s an easy answer. 

“Yeah. I do,” he replies without hesitation.

“Does he love you?”

Eliott wishes he could say for sure, but all he can give Arthur right now is an, “I don’t know.”

“I think he does.” Arthur says, flopping back down on his back in the bed.

Eliott’s eyebrows shoot up. “What? Why do you say that?”

Arthur smiles. “He looks at you the same way you look at him. Everybody can see it. Except Chloe. We tried to tell her but she wouldn’t listen. She’s wanted Lucas since he got here, you know.”

“Then why’d she come on to me?” Eliott asks, brow furrowing.

Arthur shrugs. “Maybe it was a test. Maybe she wanted to try and make Lucas jealous, or break you guys up, I don’t know.”

“Well,” Eliott says sullenly, “She got what she wanted. Sort of.”

“Forget about her.” Arthur tells him. “You guys love each other. You just have to get out of here, and you’ll be fine.”

 

~~~~

 

We’ll be fine, Eliott keeps telling himself. _We’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. We’ll be fine._

When Chloe makes a snide remark at breakfast and Lucas gives her the finger… _We’ll be fine._

When Charles shoves Eliott in the hallway, making him fall, and Arthur and Manon have to hold Lucas back from going after him… _We’ll be fine._

When Lucas goes to his weekly appointment with Lanier and doesn’t return in time for gym… _We’ll be fine._

When Lucas doesn’t show up for gym at all… _We’ll be fine._

They’re on their way back from the gym when Eliott realizes just how wrong he is. 

 

 

Someone is screaming. “You son of a bitch! You fucking asshole! I hate you!”

The voice is coming from down the hall, on the opposite side of a set of double doors, but Eliott would recognize it anywhere.

“I hate you! I fucking hate you!” Lucas screams and Eliott’s moving without thinking. Within seconds, he’s down the hallway and throwing himself through the double doors with Monsieur Banet right behind him yelling, “Eliott! No!”

On the other side he finds Lucas, Lanier, and another man, outside Lanier’s office. The other man has a bloody lip. He isn’t much taller than Lucas, with broad shoulders and thick brown hair. They look a lot alike, actually. Two aides are holding a kicking and screaming Lucas by the arms and Eliott can see two security guards heading toward them. 

_No...no...no...no...no..._

“Lucas!” Eliott calls and both Lucas and Lanier’s heads jerk in his direction. 

“Eliott!” Lucas cries as the aides hand him off to the security guards and one of the guards pulls out a pair of handcuffs. “No! Let me go!” he screams, struggling against them as they try to twist his arms behind his back.

_No...no...no...no...no...this isn’t happening. We’re getting out of here. Only nine more days. This can’t be happening._

“Lucas! No! Let him go!” Eliott shouts as he runs to the other boy but before he can get close enough Monsieur Banet grabs a hold of him and Lanier stands in his way.

“No! Eliott! Stop!” he says, hands on Eliott’s chest, pushing him back.

“No! Let him go!” Eliott cries as he pushes at the counselor holding him, but the man’s grip remains firm.

Lucas’s father pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket. “Stop fighting, Lucas,” he says flatly, dabbing at the blood on his lips.

Lucas turns on the man screaming, “You son of a bitch!” as the guards wrestle him to the ground. 

Eliott manages to shove Lanier out of his way but before he can do anything else the two aides are there, blocking him in. 

Lucas calls out for him again but Eliott can’t get to him with the aides and the counselor and Lanier in the way. He tries to push past them but there’s too many of them and they’re too strong. 

“No...no...no...please!” Eliott cries as the two security guards cuff Lucas’s hands behind his back and lift him to his feet again before pulling him backwards in the opposite direction away from Eliott.

“No! Where are you taking him?” Eliott screams, shoving as hard as he can at the men holding him. 

Lanier holds his hands out like he’s trying to calm a wild animal. “Eliott. Stop.”

“No!! No! Where are you taking him?”

“He’s going back to B-ward.”

Tears stream down Eliott’s face. “No...no...please,” he begs, but there’s nothing he can do now except watch as the guards drag Lucas away.


	7. Chapter 7

Eliott paces alone in the room, back and forth, back and forth, his bare feet bouncing slightly on the squishy floor. His body is absolutely thrumming with tension, making his hands shake and his heart pound loudly in his chest. It’s quiet now. All the shouting and crying from before is gone. Now, the only noise is in his head. 

He mutters, “It was only a dream,” as he stalks from one end of the room to the other.  His skin is buzzing so he shakes his hands out, rubs them together, slides them up and down his arms, trying to get rid of the sensation. His head spins. His mind races. He’s finding it hard to focus. _Lucas._ Where’s Lucas? Lucas always makes him feel better. 

“We’re fine!” Eliott calls out to the empty room. “We’re fine. It’s only a dream. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!” he yells, hitting the sides of his head with his fists. “I have to wake up! Waves of evil crashing over us. Waves of evil crashing over us. Please don’t give up on me.”

He has to get out of here, wherever he is. He has to find Lucas. He pats the walls around him looking for a door but there is none. He’s trapped. Eliott fists his fingers in his hair and spins around. 

“We’re getting out! Nine more days. Only nine more days, Lucas, and then we’re getting out. You can make it nine days, can’t you? I know you can. Just breathe. Just breathe, baby. Just breathe for me.” 

He paces the room again, slapping his hands on the walls. He slaps his own face, the sides of his head, pulls on his hair. It’s too hot. He’s sweating and his skin is tingling. He yanks his t-shirt off and throws it across the room, runs his hands over his chest, over his arms, shakes his hands again. The buzzing won’t go away. It moves up his arms and neck, into his head. The world tilts on its axis and Eliott grabs for the walls to steady himself, shakes his head, pounds his fist against his forehead until the room rights itself again. 

“It was only a dream. Waves of evil crashing over us. Waves of evil crashing over us. It was only a weak and fateful scream beneath the battlements. It’s hard. I know it’s hard. Follow me. Follow me before it gets dark. Follow me, Lucas, please. Please, follow me. Before it gets too dark. Please, baby, please!”

The room is spinning and Eliott spins with it. He bounces off the walls and then goes back to retracing his footsteps, back and forth, back and forth.

“We’re getting out!” he shouts. “Nine days and we’re going to live together. The sun says it’s okay.” He looks up at the ceiling, at the dark eye of the camera tucked into a corner of the room, watching him.  “It’s okay. The sun says it’s okay. We’ll live together and we’ll run and we’ll flow and we’ll fuck and _fuck you_ and _fuck all of them!_ " He spins around again, eyes searching the empty room. “Where’s Lucas? I need Lucas.” 

_Lucas is gone._

Eliott wails and slams his head into the wall. He punches the padding with his fists and rams his head into it again and again. But in this room, punching the walls accomplishes nothing. 

Finally, he stops. Shoulders slouching, he props himself up with his forehead against the wall and lets out a heavy sigh. “It was only a dream. The waves of evil crashing over us. It was only a weak and fateful scream beneath the battlements. My love, please. Don’t give up on me.”

It’s in that moment of relative calm that the door to the quiet room swings open and three aides push their way inside.

“No! No, no no!” Eliott cries, pressing back against the wall and putting his hands up as the men surround him. As soon as they get their hands on him they immediately twist his arms roughly behind his back and Eliott begs, “No, please!” as a needle is jabbed into his arm.

The drugs hits Eliott hard and fast and the two aides have to hold him up as the world around him goes fuzzy. The last thing Eliott remembers before everything fades to black is the aide on his right tapping his arm and saying, “Nighty night.” 

 ~~~~

 When Eliott finally comes around again it’s to a bright light in his eyes and the sound of hushed voices. The light is so bright it feels like tiny needles being jabbed into his brain. He squints and groans and suddenly the light disappears, temporarily eclipsed by Arthur’s face. 

“Hey man, you’re awake.” Arthur says too loudly, making Eliott groan again. The other boy grimaces. “Ooh. Sorry.” 

Manon appears next to Arthur and Eliott realizes he’s lying down when the bed shakes as she sits.

“How do you feel?” she asks and Eliott takes a moment to take stock of himself. 

“Tired.” he croaks. His throat hurts but he doesn’t feel like he’s vibrating out of his skin anymore, so that’s good. Every muscle in his body aches but when he moves in an effort to stretch out his limbs, he finds he can’t go far.

“What the fuck?” Eliott snaps, tugging roughly on the restraints around his wrists that tie him to the bed. But then, all of a sudden, it all comes flooding back to him. Eliott’s heart clenches in his chest at the memory of Lucas screaming as he’s being dragged away from him. Everything after that is foggy. He can only remember bits and pieces. Just fighting with the aides and Lanier as they towed him back to A-ward. After that, it’s just carpeted walls and an overwhelming panic that set his blood on fire. 

What happened? Did he lose it again? He must have. The only thing Eliott knows for sure is that Lucas is gone. Along with all the light and love and hope he possesses.  It’s over. They’re not going home now. Not in nine days. Probably not for a while. 

Eliott can’t do this. Not without Lucas. He _needs_ Lucas. And Lucas needs him. But now Lucas is alone and Eliott...

A sharp pain twists in Eliott’s gut making him curl in on himself. He sucks in a sharp breath and lets out a cry that would be embarrassing at any other time. But right now, all Eliott cares about is Lucas.

His whole body shakes with the force of his sobbing. Manon puts a comforting hand on his arm and whispers soothing words but Eliott doesn’t even notice her. It’s like his brain has short circuited. There’s nothing but the white noise in his head and the piercing ache in his chest that throbs with every beat of his heart. 

Eventually, a feminine voice breaks through the haze. Manon, maybe? “Eliott, can you hear me? I need you to breathe.”

There’s a cool hand on his forehead. It sends shivers across his body. Abruptly, Eliott realizes how cold he is. It’s no wonder. He’s not wearing a shirt. He lets out a shuddering breath. 

“Good,” the voice says and Eliott forces himself to look at the person sitting next to him. It's not Manon, although he can see her out the corner of his eye, standing next to Lucas’s...no...not Lucas’s... _Arthur’s._..bed. Arthur is there too, standing next to Manon, chewing on his nails and looking down at Eliott with a worried expression on his face. The person sitting next to him on the bed is the night nurse and Eliott shivers again as she wraps a blood pressure cuff around his bicep. 

As she takes his blood pressure she says, “It’s okay. Just breathe,” and Eliott tries, he really does, but everytime he does it feels like he’s inhaling shards of glass. 

The nurse puts a finger under his chin and lifts his face toward her. Eliott tries to look at her but his eyes are blurry from tears. He tries to wipe his eyes but he can’t because of the restraints. The nurse notices and pulls a key out of her jacket pocket. “I can take them off,” she says as she unlocks the cuffs and pulls them away. 

Eliott coughs and rubs at his wrists before wiping his eyes. He takes a deep breath, lets it out slow, and the nurse nods encouragingly. 

She reaches for a small paper cup sitting on the nightstand and hands it to Eliott along with a small cup of water. 

“These are your night time meds and something to help with your anxiety.”

Eliott swallows the pills without argument. He doesn’t care anymore what they do to him. 

“OK,” the nurse says, nodding. “Just relax. There’s some food on top of the dresser. A sandwich and some fruit. You need to eat it. Okay?”

When Eliott doesn’t respond she taps him on the arm and says, “I’m serious. You didn’t eat supper and you need food in your stomach with these meds.”

Eliott nods. 

Satisfied, the nurse stands up. She takes the food off the dresser and hands it to Eliott. “Everything will be okay, Eliott. I’ll be back in a little bit to check on you, so eat your food.” She smiles slightly down at him and with a quick nod to Arthur and Manon, she leaves the room. 

Eliott can’t look at them. His heart rate may have returned to normal but now he just feels numb. All he can do is stare blankly down at the plastic wrapped peanut butter and jelly sandwich sitting in his lap.

Manon and Arthur exchange worried looks and after a moment Manon says, “I’m really sorry, Eliott. About what happened. I’m here...if you ever want to talk.”

Eliott doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even notice when she leaves. 

 ~~~~

All Eliott wants to do is sleep. Instead, he’s forced to eat and go to group just like everybody else. For days, Eliott does as he’s told, but inside, he’s numb. Inside, his mind is nothing but an empty void. No thoughts, no emotions. Just...nothing. The last time he felt like this was when he woke up in the hospital after the crash. 

When Eliott finally does start to think and feel again, he wishes he didn’t. 

Tonight, the dream is different. He’s surrounded by darkness, like always, but this time he’s not alone. Lucas is there. Eliott can see him but he can’t reach him. Eliott tries to run toward him but with every step he takes, the darkness, with it’s long black tentacles, wraps itself around Lucas and drags him further and further away. 

Lucas is screaming, calling for Eliott, but no matter how fast Eliott runs, he can’t get to him. He can do nothing but watch helplessly as Lucas disappears completely into the black.

Once Lucas is gone, the darkness is all that’s left. Eliott spins in circles, looking everywhere, for Lucas, for anything really, but there’s nothing. Eliott is alone again and the cold black tendrils are snaking their way up his legs, winding out of the shadows to curl around his arms and his head. Eliott screams and screams but no one is there to hear him.

Eliott wakes up with a shout, startling his roommate awake as he jolts up in bed. 

“Fuck, man!” Arthur shouts, hand on his heart. He looks over at Eliott who’s sitting on his bed trying to catch his breath. “What was that?” he asks. “Are you okay?” 

Eliott sits cross legged in his bed, hands in his hair, and cries. He can’t help it. The flood of emotions hits him to quickly to stave them off. 

What are they going to do? How are they going to get through this? He can’t stand the thought of being here without Lucas. And what about Lucas? Is he okay? Is he locked in some room all alone? Is he strapped to a bed the same way Eliott was? 

The image of Lucas in restraints sends a fresh wave of pain though Eliott’s body, making him double over and clutch at his stomach. He’s crying so hard he’s having trouble breathing. 

Arthur sits down on the bed in front of him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” he says, voice soft. 

Eliott coughs and shakes his head. “I can’t...I can’t do this.”

Arthur pushes his glasses up on his nose and leans in. “Yes, you can. I know this isn’t what you expected but this isn’t the end. Lucas isn’t going to be in B-ward forever. He’ll get out and he’ll come back here. You just need to keep your head on straight until he does.”

Eliott sniffles and takes a deep breath. He wipes his eyes and nods his head but he’s still trembling. 

“Just stay focused on that.” Arthur adds. “I’m sure Lucas is doing the same thing.” 

Eliott coughs and nods his head again. Arthur’s making sense and Eliott can feel the tension slowly seeping from his limbs. 

Arthur squeezes Eliott’s shoulder, says, “Hold on,” and gets up off the bed. He goes right to his dresser and pulls something out of his top drawer before going back to Eliott and sitting back down on the bed. 

He drops a pile of papers in front of Eliott and Eliott recognizes them immediately. They’re his drawings. The ones he gave Lucas. The one on top shows a hedgehog and a raccoon sitting in front of a campfire. There’s a tent behind them and stars in the sky above them. Eliott gave it to Lucas just three days ago, before everything went to shit. 

“Basille gave them to me,” Arthur says. “The aides found them when they were collecting Lucas’s stuff. They were going to throw them out but Basille wouldn’t let them. He gave them to me to give them to you. I was kind of afraid to give them to you before. In case they made things harder for you. But I think...maybe you need them.”

Eliott gathers the drawings up in his hands and flips through them. His eyes well up with tears again but he can’t help but smile at the little hedgehog and racoon and what each drawing represented for him and Lucas...their future together. 

He looks up at Arthur. “Thank you,” he says softly, giving the other boy a small smile. 

Arthur looks relieved at Eliott’s reaction and smiles back at him. 

Eliott looks back down at the drawings. The pain is still there, raw and aching under the surface, but now, as he focuses on the little hedgehog and raccoon, he’s determined not to let it consume him again. 

He just has to hold on until Lucas gets back. 

He can do that. 

 _He hopes_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is a much shorter chapter but I wanted to get it posted to reassure you guys that I haven't abandoned this fic. I had a really bad couple of weeks and was really depressed but thankfully, things are much better now so I am back to writing every day. So the next chapter should be up in a few days. 
> 
> Also, I based some of Eliott's behavior during his episode on my own experience during a breakdown where I became hyper focused on song lyrics. Repeating them over and over in my head. So, some of what Eliott says is actually song lyrics. I like to think it's one of his favorite songs so that's where his mind goes in times of stress like this. 
> 
> The song he's reciting is called "Don't Give Up on Me" and it's by Kill The Noise & Illenium. You can find it on Youtube and Spotify. 
> 
> Like I've said before, you can follow me on Tumblr too @mystic-reader. 
> 
> I hope this small chapter satisfies for now and I am so excited for you to see what's in store for these two. And also, your comments give me life. Thank you so much!


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